the burger lamentations

Because I've been squeezing out papers and writing things that are boring

2011-02-16T22:31:00.005+08:00

I miss you.

That's the three words I wanna say to you every time you pass me by. I miss sitting right next beside you, fussing over you and handing you my jacket for a pillow when you settle for a nap on that coffeeshop table, texting you my every impulsive thought.

I miss you.

I know that we can never happen. Never in a million years. I think I'm only allowed one great fulfilled each lifetime, and on the way to being a doctor and all its trappings is it for me. I will never know great, epic love. So I gave up on you. And I'm giving up on me. Along with the acceptance that I may be falling for you I also doomed myself to a melodramatic tragedy.

So there.

And it doesn't help that you've been so impossibly gorgeous lately. And hearing about how you flutter about, doing stuff for your own one great love, while kilig-inducing, is excruciating. But I wanna hear them, anyway. Better that than not hearing from you at all.

And I wish I could tell you all these things. But I promised myself that I would never go to such self-destructive extremes. And I don't think you wanna hear about all of this. Your life is complicated as it is and I don't wanna bother you with inane questions that I'm sure have no answers.

I friggin' miss you.

Trahedya

2010-11-27T06:13:00.003+08:00

Tsismisan. Nagsimula ang gabi nang inilabas ko ang aking mga hinaing tungkol sa iyo sa isang kaibigan. Katatapos ko lang kumain at naisipang kong mag-movie marathon na lang sa halip na mag-aral. Oo, isang linggo na akong hindi nag-aaral. Pero isang gabi lang, magpapahinga muna ako sa pagkanta, sa pag-text pass, sa pag-email. Hanggang sa inatake ako sa pagkabagot at naging clingy sa isang matalik na kaibigan sa pamamagitan ng Sun Cellular.

Text. Sa gitna ng pakikipagtalastasan tungkol sa mga hinanaing na ikaw ang nagbibida, nag-text ka ng isang serye ng pasimpleng mensahe na ang kinauwian lang ay ang pagtanong kung nag-aaral ba ako. At biglang lumipad papalabas ng bintana ang ideya ng gabing puno ng mga sine. Dali dali kitang sinagot na magsisimula pa lang ako, sabay assemble ng aral kit. Ayan. Isang gabi na kitang makakapiling.

Fast forward. Ayan na't nagaaral na tayo. Ikaw na sumusulat sa luma kong notes, ako na nagpapanggap na naiintindihan ang hina-highlight, dumidiskarteng masulyapan ka gamit ang aking peripheral vision. Matagal-tagal rin kitang hindi nakasamang yung tayo lang. Oo, may sari-sarili tayong tinitext; ikaw nagtetext ng kung anuman sa kanino man, ako sa isang kaibigan ng mga bagay na tungkol pa rin sayo.

Tulog. Halata ang pagod mo. At di naglaon ay kinailangan mo ang trademark mong power nap - ang yumuko na lang at makakatulog. Syempre hindi kita natiis at pinahiram ko sayo ang jacket ko, para man lang malagyan ng isang malambot na bagay ang pagitan ng mesa at ng iyong mukha. At ikaw ay nahimbing, habang ang mundo ko ay tumigil.

Alam mo bang nakangiti kang natutulog? Naramdaman mo bang pinagmasdan kita habang ikaw ay nahihimbing? At kahit na malamang habambuhay kong maaalala ang ngiting yun, napakunot ang noo ko't naluha ng kaunti, kasi sa mga panahong yun napagtanto ko kung gaano ka kahalaga sa akin pero wala man lang akong magawa. Di ko man lang mapaabot sayo. Di ko man lang masabi. Dahil alam kong wala tayong patutunguhan.

Mahirap ang hindi umasa. Dahil alam kong sa sarili ko na gustong gusto ko. Pero hindi pwede, para sa huli pwede kong maisalba ang aking sarili mula sayo. Gayunpaman, masaya na rin ako. Masaya na ako sa mga ganitong moments, gaano man kapuno ito ng mga pagiilusyon ko. Masaya na akong mapagmasdan ang mapayapa mong mukhang nakapatong sa jacket ko. Masaya na akong maging human alarm clock mo, ang maging simula ng araw mo. Masaya na akong marinig ang mga hinanaing at ang mga tagumpay mo sa buhay. Masaya na akong maging kaibigan mo.

At kahit saan man to mauwi, alam kong may napupulot ako mula sayo. Natuto akong mag-account ng gastos ko. Minahal kong bumuklat ng libro dahil sayo. Mas minahal ko ang aking mga kapatid, hindi ko man sila nakikita araw-araw. Natuto akong isipin ang kalagayan ng iba bago ang sarili dahil binigyan mo ako ng pagkakataon maging mabuti.

Hindi ako nagpapaalam. Nalungkot lang.

At nang bumangon kang may handog na ngiti para sa akin, napawi ang antok ko. Natigil ang pagkaluha ko.

Ngunit nanatili ang mabigat na pakiramdam na kahit ano pa man ang nagaganap sa kasalukuyan, hindi ka kailanman magiging akin.

No

2010-11-21T17:34:00.001+08:00

I just said "no." And it feels weird. Sad, but a bit liberating.

One Week Later

2010-11-21T12:24:00.002+08:00

This post is so long overdue I'm not even sure I'll get the details right. Oh well, here goes.

Saturday night: Something you've been needing for so long will actually come and you want me to go with you pick it up. I readily agree, thinking that you'll forget about asking me anyway. So I just laughed it off.

Sunday morning: You text me, saying that you know exactly where to pick it up, and again insist that I come with you. Of course I get excited. I love running errands, and to run yours would be fun, I expect. Am I expected to carry around something? To watch your back and alert you when we're getting mugged? Am I to help you check the integrity of the merch?

We meet up, and then for the first time in weeks (since you've been on vacation), we talk along the way. We talk about anything and everything. And all is right in the world again. You were most perfect during the trip to and from home. But nothing really happened. I didn't get what my task was for this trip. Anyhoo, you ask if we could go grab something to eat and I oblige, knowing your appetite.

When we were headed for doughnuts I got excited. You owed me doughnuts, you told me. So you wait patiently in line while I go scout for a table. And when seated I got an unobstructed view of you and I stared for hours, it seemed. And we rambled on and on, until the time to part was upon us.

So while walking home, alone, I texted my thanks, and confusion regarding what my role was for tagging along. I wasn't of any particular use, I said. "Your company is more than enough," you replied.

And my heart stopped, my breath was thready, and my stomach flipped. What in the world did you mean by that?

---

Tuesday I was out with a best friend. And for the first time in months I got the most sane, straight-headed advice I desperately needed. Or support for a strategy I decided I'd employ where you're concerned.

I do not know what my role in your life is. I do not know how important I am to you. And I don't want to expect much from this, from you, because I would be setting myself up for disaster. And I'm already starting to expect. So where you're concerned, I have an algorithm that'll immediately pop up in my head.

1. Does this make you happy? If yes, proceed to step 2. If no, step 3.

2. Revel in it. And shake yourself to sanity afterwards.

3. Drop the thought immediately and think of something else. Like spam, for instance.

So there. I'm hoping this works. Because I don't wanna fall desperately in love with you. Hell, no.

Interruption

2010-08-27T21:26:00.002+08:00

It's kinda hard for me to start this weekend with a cleanse when you keep insinuating yourself in my life, in situations I have trouble dealing with.

Stop being so adorable, please.

Again with that stupid question

2010-08-27T07:55:00.001+08:00

"How are you two friends?"

Again, I have no idea. I'd have to ask, someday.

Now I get it

2010-08-25T23:17:00.002+08:00

I've been watching HIMYM for a long time, but I never understood the hype behind it. I've always said I'd rather watch The Big Bang Theory, even if it means I watch each episode countless times. Now that I'm in a different place, I get it now. I so do.

And the world stops spinning...

2010-08-25T06:29:00.001+08:00

Tama bang tumitigil ng mga ilang sandali (o ilang oras, hindi ko lang namalayan) ang galaw ng mundo ko kapag kausap at kapiling kita?

Alarms

2010-08-25T04:21:00.001+08:00

And I'm up. Buti pa palang gumising para sa ibang tao, nagigising ako. My alarms for myself always go unnoticed. Nagagawa nga ng pag-ibig, oo. Grrr.

Naturally

2010-08-25T00:29:00.002+08:00

I love how you make me feel so important. And I love how I can come to you with the most trivial of things and not feel like an idiot. So does that mean you're more best friend material, other than something else? Regardless, something beautiful came my way tonight (from "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky):

"You know I blamed Craig for not letting me do things? You know how stupid I feel about that now? Maybe he didn't really encourage me to do things, but he didn't prevent me from doing them either. But after a while, I didn't do things because I didn't want him to think different about me. But the thing is, I wasn't being honest. So, why would I care whether or not he loved me when he didn't really even know me?" (Sam to Charlie)

And Charlie's narration:

But the best part was the scene with Janet where we had to touch each other. It wasn't the best part because I got to touch Sam and have her touch me. It's the exact opposite. I know that sounds dumb, but it's true. Just before the scene, I thought about Sam, and I thought that if I touched her in that way on stage and meant it, it would be cheap. And as much as I think I might want to someday touch her like that, I never want it to be cheap. I don't want it to be Rocky and Janet. I want it to be Sam and I. And I want her to mean it back. So, we just played.

Head Throbbing

2010-08-16T22:18:00.001+08:00

Okay, I have to stop obsessing.

Roots

2010-08-16T22:11:00.001+08:00

As one friend pointedly pointed out (oooh!), we don't move in the same circles. So how are we friends again?

All That Sass

2010-08-16T21:03:00.002+08:00

Boyfriend for you, I'd do all kinds of things against my better judgment. -Lafayette Reynolds

Allergies

2010-08-15T23:31:00.002+08:00

My nose has been cooperating. In anticipation of our ORL rotation this week, it has now decided to be runny. Damn.

I've been crying the whole weekend. I've read some stuff. And I got a look into something that's so closed right now. It makes me sad that someone so beautiful could be so sad and burdened with such huge responsibilities.

One frustration of mine is dance. I realized too late that I'd love to do it. I'd love for me to be good at it. And watching so much beauty in dance lately, I realized that what I want, I have to fight for. Now, I'm fighting a very difference battle, but one that's worth fighting. One I've wanted to fight ever since I was a little kid. And now, every little thing I see validates that choice I made.

Oh, crap. I always get a tad mushy when I'm about to go "home."

Red

2010-08-15T03:35:00.001+08:00

I have been feeling very sensitive lately. I feel so raw, and I can't trace it back to its source.

Oh. I just did.

To You

2010-08-14T22:17:00.003+08:00

I've liked you since that first time you entered the room.

I was ecstatic when our worlds merged.

I was hoping to fall madly in love with you. Which I thought for a while I was.

Now I think I do. But it's a love of a different kind. A love borne out of deep respect and friendship. Which I'm really grateful for, because I'd still have you. You'd be under an entirely different heading, but that's fine.

I just hope this feeling akin to my heart leaping out of my chest every time you grace me with your whole attention fades in time. Because when a lot of people are around us, your singling me out in a crowd makes me feel so shiny and whole. And I'd spend days under the dim lights, on that stone bench, scratching at mosquito bites, just to be with you.

But enough, now. Because I can never give you what you need. So I'll settle for your friendship instead.

This Week

2010-08-13T20:38:00.002+08:00

I miss writing. Writing for catharsis. Writing for exercise. Writing for the love of it. And I know people have come and gone. And have forgotten this blog. But for me it's like this little old notebook I keep in a box in my closet. I always know it's there. I take it out sometimes, flip at the pages, and laugh at my past frippery. And marvel at my mediocre writing skills that have now been reduced to writing patient histories and making diagrams on charts.

But tonight I write.

Today I went ahead with a crazy idea and downloaded Michelle Branch's whole discography as a solo artist. And I've been listening to her songs for the past few hours while trolling around the internet. But just right now I felt a deep pang of nostalgia and homesickness. I haven't felt this tinge in a long while.

Let me start at the beginning.

Cause when there's you I feel whole... And I'd rather be in love with you.

See? Michelle's quite the crooner. But I digress. Let me start over.

It happened a few weeks ago. But it's been there for years. Something I only liked from afar suddenly turned into this live thing. And it's been growing. Fast. And I'm loving every feeling. More. And more. Every minute. Every beep. Every random moment.

But somehow, it's different this time. In the past, I've wanted things for myself. But now. Now, I'm just happy to partake in something so beautiful. It's so akin to what I've wanted for years now it's exhilarating to be standing just inside its borders. And I'm content.

For now.

Or so I tell myself. But I fervently hope so. For everyone's sake.

And because I'm the kind of person who goes on looking, I found something. And discovered that what I have is more than I hoped for. What I've been trying to aspire for so long, but could just not be. And it makes me feel happy. And sad. And excited. Hopeful.

Nostalgic.

I miss my brothers. I miss them. So. God. Damn. Much.

I've been living away from home for more than half my life and the feeling hasn't really changed one bit. All this missing is hiding under a very thin sheet that every time something scrapes it, a raw nerve is hit. And I have to wait it out.

God, thank you for my friends. And my family. And love.

Tomorrow is a Day of Reckoning. Not!

2009-03-26T21:22:00.002+08:00

Chocolate cake is Schmexy, hands down. I may love blueberry cheesecake more than I do my left foot, but a good, simple CC is Extravaganza Eleganza all on it's own. <3 (<3 will always be an ice cream cone for me, btw)

So tomorrow is The Unspeakable Day. 'Nuff said.

One other thing is Schmexy: a sultry telephone voice of someone you've never met. Seriously. It's like an analogue chocolate cake. Mine sounds like a 80's has-been on helium gas, but I do love a mysterious phantom voice, haha. Never mind seeing the actual person. Speculation is so much schmexier that seeing, right? What is wrong with me...

I'll be coming home in a few days! I just hope that the last 2 important school-related events/blah (Class Jackets + Research Defense) left for me to do flies to save me a dreadful headache. Now if I can just remember the immunizations I've already had...

I've been waiting for someone like you.

2009-03-25T03:35:00.002+08:00

It's has been long. Long. LONG, demmit, since I last felt the compulsion to write something down that's so accessible. But because I so desperately want to see the latest episode of Kings in the next few minutes or so, I am writing as a last ditch effort to keep mahself ah-wake.

So I'm here. Now. Here now.

Okay, I've missed displaying an online flailing [clue: bare], but everyone out who performed deserved flails all around. I'm still pretty sad that they didn't get a standing ov after their last show. I'm also pretty sad that I didn't have the guts to stand up, regardless. Well, nothing I can do now, but I sincerely hope that they were stellar.

This is so gonna be a most disjointed thing.

For the past couple of days I have been studying for the looming 200- item, half Board-type questions, half integrated questions (like, if a diabetic, hypertensive, myopic primigravid, complaining of hypogastric pain, with a cob angle of 40 degrees suddenly develops central facial paralysis, where is the lesion, haha!) Comprehensive Exam. Honestly, try as I might, my eyes just skim over Ze Transes. And because it bumps up my Internet life to way later, I'm breaking out despite the fact that we are supposed to be relatively benign these days. Ew, you didn't have to know that. So as of today- or more accurately, as of 20 minutes before the penultimate full showing of the Witch Mountain for the day- I am officially shunning all academic endeavor. All. ALL! I'd like to bum, now, please.

Just today, I stumbled upon a very depressing, beautiful, gah musical: The Last 5 Years. Now I haven't memorized the whole thing yet, but given time (aka 2 days) I'd be belting out "Shiksa Goddess" while I shampoo my hair. *sigh* That dude in Shortbus was quite right. Why do sad things tend to be so beautiful?

So by Asian standards, my scorned BMI does not fit in the "normal" range. Seriously. And when I lamented the state of my health to someone, she just said "[sic] you're not Asian, you're fat!" In an effort to be gorgeous this summer- and hopefully for the rest of my life- I jog. At night. Midnight, in fact (you cannot believe the amount of couples going at it in Baywalk at this hour). Scary? Hell, yes. So if one day I just disappear, please remember that I jog at night to avoid the scorching sun.

Class jackets in the works, woot!

Lately I've been quite sad-bordering-on-depressed. Meh. I don't know what to freakin' do about it! I don't even know what causes it. So how do I deal with it? Sure, I might have a clue, but if I turn out to be right then I'm doomed, because if I am right then I really can't do anything about it! Run on, there! So I'm just trying to be happy. So is being happy, like love, a choice, too? All that silver lining BS when all you can see are clear blue skies with hints of humidity here and there? Or. The blue skies are sort of "it." Right? But why do I feel sad! Haha, this is not turning out to be very lucid.

Last week something happened. And something fitted. That was happy. Take that, Sad Bordering On Depressed! Something actually felt right. And will continue feeling right from here on out. At least, as far as moi is concerned. But there. It's been a year since. And I've never felt so vulnerable, yet so freakin' in control. Vague, yet again.

Kings, done! Woot! I just hope I stay awake for my lonesome to be able to enjoy this.

Now I'm getting somewhere
I'm finally breaking through

PS This post is so Lara-inspired, haha. :D

And Here Comes Another One!

2009-02-23T01:07:00.002+08:00

The poster speaks for itself. :D

Culture Week!

2009-02-22T15:44:00.002+08:00

Huzzah! The Resurrection of this Blog begins with this announcement. Also, we will be selling shirts that have gotten the feedbacks of "OMG CUTE!", "AWWWWs", and the like. Pictures will be posted soon.

Late Night/Early Morning Movie

2008-12-15T02:49:00.002+08:00

Nothing takes your mind away from the myriad minor stressors in life better than a close-up of who you are and what you're dealing with on a daily basis. Now concentrate the drama of your teen years in a span of two hours, and no doubt you'll be dealing with puffy eyes like what I dread come the morning after I sleep. Come to think, you don't really have to parallel the stars. You just have to have heart.

Now all of these things are so vague, but the important ones know what I'm blabbing about.

Gosh, I'm so dying for 2++ months to zoom past by me.

Bugger Off

2008-12-14T18:46:00.000+08:00

And along with your hair went your sense. Tsk. Tsk.

Post overflowing much? I opened a dam, dammit.

So We're Up Again

2008-12-14T15:52:00.002+08:00

Nothing beats a bad waking-up from the best dream you've had in ages than a good ol' stroll. Which suddenly becomes a shopping spree. Ohoi.

When I want to clear my head, I walk. And because I wanted to walk at noon without the infernal sun blazin' on my nape, I decided to walk inside a mall. After a hearty lunch. So I walked.

Then bam! I spot this perfect, perfect piece that suddenly assembles into a whole outfit in my head. Perfect piece + clothes I have in my closet = Perfection. But then I have yet to get gifts for all those people and I'm broke, and fat, and I guess I have to walk away to prevent myself from burning a hole in my pocket(s).

But. Do you know those two bowling balls on a mattress? That's how it felt like. And the farther I got from it, the stronger it pulled and damn that r^2 is on the denominator of the equation. I flew towards it like I would towards my puppies- blissful abandon with a hint of trepidation lest I lose a limb in the process.

And so I completed my outfit. And another one. There goes my dinner for the next few days. And my Starbucks trips, too.

As I walked home after having spent a week's worth of allowance, I finally got to thinking- what the hell did I just do? But then, come to think of it, I deserve this. I've been through a lot, we've all been, and I think we deserve a little bit of compensation every now and then. Just to keep us afloat.

And what's more perfect than an afternoon with a full heart knowing that for the next few ___ it'l l be all good + banana cue + Coke? None, in my book.

Prelude

2008-12-14T11:25:00.001+08:00

Now I wonder if it's at all like riding a bike...

The End Is Near

2008-11-03T03:18:00.002+08:00

I have not yet studied a line for the impending Neuro Doom. Oh well.

When something lets you down, something else is bound to pick up the slack. And what better way to spend your days than lounging in bed with good music, good books, and good food? Home = LURVE.

It's been a long while since I last posted something significant. Well.

I have a new love- The Script. Their upbeat songs are really just the kind I love, although they sing about heartbreak a lot, which I can't really relate to BECAUSE I'M DEAD INSIDE. Haha, no. Not really. Anyway, it's nice drowning yourself in iPod + strawberry ice cream + whimsical novels.

My mom's been away for days now, doing I don't know what. But oddly, I don't really miss her miss her. Sure I miss her, but it's just like my being away while she's here at home. Except now, she's the one not here and I'm the one home. Hmph. I've been so used to my dad being away on business trips that this thing with my mom doing it instead of him kind of takes getting used to.

My huge external hard drive it's nearing it's breaking point. Shizz, all these shows that I'm watching has to go somewhere, right? And because I do watch a lot of these things, I simply cannot keep track of them. When to download them. What to download. Which ones I've already seen. Blah. It's a good thing my brother learned the trade before it went poof in my head, haha.

Discworld + Xanth = Love.

Anyway, I can't really say I'm looking forward to the new semester. Everytime I open my email, there's always this Letter of Doom awaiting to doom me. Seriously, how do I keep track of these things when I don't even have my schedule?

And my grades are U-G-L-Y. I swear, they're the ugliest grades I have ever received since I started breathing. Or maybe not. I think my Apgar scores were... Anyhoo, this med thing has me worrying. In a very shucks-I-have-ugly-grades-and-it-worries-me-but-I-can't-do-anything-about-it-now-because-I'm-too-busy-with-other-school-stuff way. Meh.

But for now, I want to squeeze up all the goodness from this vacay before Heck thaws and Doctors break loose.

RIght Eyebrow

2008-11-01T21:04:00.001+08:00

It's been up for so long now I'm afraid it'll blend with my hairline. Pissed off. :(

Three things:

2008-10-27T23:29:00.002+08:00

1. I just checked out my grade (so far) for this sem. It's friggin' ugly. :(

2. My name in CRS read: Quezon, Patrick Seva (MD). I know it's nothing, but HOLEY EFFIN' SHIZ.

3. I just saw the new trailer for the Half Blood Prince, and I now abhor Equus or Dark Night (whichever) for being at fault hence the movie being moved to a later date.

Funny, really

2008-10-24T22:15:00.002+08:00

It's kind of dumb that whenever I check out some of my previous posts, I sometimes have no idea what I'm talking about! Really. I mean, I have to backtrack and everything to estimate what my mood was for that moment that precipitated that kind of writing, and it's not really fun. So from now on, I stick to less ambiguous posts. Yey!

Anyhoo, it's been really slow for me for the past couple of days. I don't wanna touch my Neuro stuff yet, and stupid me did not find the time to hunt for good DVDs so I'm stuck with dl-ing new eps which don't really come in droves. But my steth has at least touched half of my family.

Starbucks is coming to Bacolod. Soon! I wonder how they will fare...?

I terribly miss some people. But some others I can do without. I mean, I've got enough drama in my own being to sustain me a lifetime, I don't want others' too. But that's just me.

Now that it's 15 minutes since my last scrap of food (scrap: a lot), I gotta go munch something before I lose weight! :D

Burthday Blues

2008-10-22T19:14:00.001+08:00

Nothing like good family drama to glam up a birthday dinner. Happy birthday, brother!

Oh yeah?

2008-10-21T20:55:00.001+08:00

Some people's [old] news can still make your jaw drop. I mean, push-overs getting second chances is the stuff for movies.

On another note, one person's glitch, albeit a HUGE one, can just send his ethos to Pluto. And I don't mean the ex-planet.

Ah, Frizzle!

2008-10-20T23:24:00.002+08:00

Because I'm here and you're there and there's this thing in between that's never gonna go away.

What 7 Things?

2008-10-20T02:47:00.001+08:00

I cannot, for the life of me, cannot identify seven things Miley Cyrus is talking about. I mean, which friggin' ones?

Top 20 VIllain

2008-10-20T01:23:00.001+08:00

I may be very late about this, but knowing that the man in Bambi fills that spot in AFI's list just puts the woot in woot!

At a later flight

2008-10-17T19:39:00.002+08:00

Because of my dad's insistence (now I know where I get that), I can now go home at a later flight. Instead of that glorious 5 am trip when everyone is still deep in slumber but I'm jetting away, I get to go home at 9 instead. Bummer. I soooo wanna check in early.

Anyway, it's been a long and hard sem. I can't really explain it, but first sems for me are just really difficult. Maybe it's the separation from the brood for 5 months?

Meh. Now for some R&R.

Add: I do hope I don't have to take any removal exams. I mean, gosh! I won't even be here, haha.

Sup-wise

2008-10-11T07:27:00.000+08:00

Hawtness just keeps on coming. ♥

Props to something new

2008-10-02T23:24:00.003+08:00

It was my first time watching an opera. Granted, it was a rehearsal run of the show itself, but that didn't make it less real.

Let me chronologically plot it. We were to attend a rehearsal for Puccini's La Boheme at the CCP Main Theater. It was supposed to start at 8, but due to inevitable circumstances, we instead saw the tail end of one rehearsal that started at 6. So we were quite late. And quite confused.

We ended up walking into Act 3 of the rehearsal run, stumbling into the dark. Both literally, and figuratively. Yeah, I knew how musicals worked. I knew how they were supposed to look. And sound. But this was something entirely different. Never have I seen an opera being sung before me, live. I had weird expectations of seing the stage as a Boho chic apartment in old Paris, but what I got was something a lot closer to home. The transposition of the carefree life that so many have lived to Modern-Day Manila made the story more relatable and more tangible. I mean, you can never really hang around Metro Manila without seeing the razzle dazzle of the squatters' area, now, could you?

Another thing that fascinated me was the backdrop. Such details being worked into the major scheme of interpretation, that being modernization, all the more made watching the moon and the clouds shift as the story progressed enjoyable.

Of course, something has to be said about the actors themselves. The way they projected their characters- and their voices!- made the delivery of the story so effective, that I nearly teared up during that uber long goodbye scene, even though I did not understand one word of it. Nada.

Coming from a medical background, however, and being late, I had a hard time believing that Mimi could be so... robust. And of seemingly good health! But suspension of disbelief and a spectacular performance won out in the end.

Bottom line: I was blown away. And if it is within my capacity, I'd see it again. But what I got to see was more than enough to satisfy one's curiosity and a desire for cultural amelioration. And walking out the venue, I got the sense that it is, indeed, the greatest love story ever sung.

It's Neuro, B*tch

2008-10-01T00:14:00.002+08:00

It's Back! Bigger, Brighter, Bolder. Shi*.

It's nice to throw a b*tch fit on a holiday. No one's there to suffer most of it. But never think that damage control is beneath you.

Today was a very colorful day, and my brain switched off at some parts. Now to get me so Awesome.

Pahabol

2008-09-30T01:08:00.003+08:00

This thing is so gonna last forever. Or at least the adult equivalent of it, haha. No matter how I keep downplaying it, there are just moments that the sun shines downs on you and everything is right in the world.

Kasi sa harap niya, namamatay ako. Or words to that effect. -Secret

Up for new stuff

2008-09-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

Let's!

Simple urbanity might not come amiss

2008-09-28T04:17:00.001+08:00

Nagiging ampunan ang bahay namin. Me. Not. Liking. It.

B*tchy. Much.

2008-09-22T20:35:00.003+08:00

It just ticks me off that people post "Go away, do not disturb" as their YM status message. If you really don't want to be bothered, go offline, then. Simple.

Britney is like, HEART

2008-09-21T22:31:00.001+08:00

Best line of the night (Dinj to Ardynne): You treacherous bitch!

KPMM Revisited

2008-09-21T02:04:00.004+08:00

When there are hours to burn and bored med students with laptops, throw in movie class projects minus the lights, and you get an instant theater. And embarrassment.

Let me elucidate.

Last Friday lecturers were scarce. Maybe they had to attend a 2013's Lecturers' Convention somewhere? I dunno. Anyway, some classmates decided to watch movies that the class made for a project last semester. When a local disturbance- i.e. boisterous laughter- caught the attention of the general public, a few interrogations were made, and a discovery was made. To the horror (or secret pride) of a few, the Lateral Entrants population cheered for the movies to be moved to the Big Screen (a white board, LCD projector, and lousy sound system).

The crowd was quite small when the first movie was playing- which was not ours. The same blunders were being laughed at (ehem, dancers), the same areas were being cheered for. I must say, it's quite different seeing the Jackpot (or Dyakpat, I forget) after a long time of NOT watching it incessantly. You get to appreciate the overall plot, although some stupid part of you still kept on nagging at the details.

Anyway, when it was our movie's turn to be shown, the Director at first did not want it exposed to the public. But due to public demand (which was growing by the minute), the instigator of it all (Miguel, ehem!) excitedly played the no-subtitles version of KPMM (which I'm sad to learn that some of my groupmates still cannot, for the life of them, memorize the unabridged form, that is- Ang Kapanapanabik na Pakikipagsapalaran ni Manuel Magiting).

It was still funny. But comparing it with the first group's output (bar the rape + kidnap scenes), our movie was quite serious. Hello, autism, suicide, teenage pregnancy, parental love, drugs, and homicide. But what was quite funny was that people did not recognize me, playing my character. It took them quite a while to realize that it was I who was pseudo-driving that trike. After watching the movie, I can feel that all of us who participated in making those movies glowed with inner pride at such accomplishments.

Immediately after the lights were turned on, people only had two things to say to me:
1. That they didn't recognize my being the driver 'til after a moment of guesswork/elimination.
2. Did I really know how to drive a motorcycle?

It was all good fun, and it made me love the iMed gang more, bar a specific someone. Or several. But meh. I hope we could all hang out again. I miss being sick to death of seeing the same 33 faces for weeks at times. Oh heck. If we really wanted to, we could, roight?

I Quit

2008-09-14T23:01:00.002+08:00

Because some things aren't worth thinking about.
Because they aren't worth caring for.
Because some are just too depressing to consider.
Because I give a lot, but get absolutely nothing.
Because it's plain wrong.
Because I'm angry and sad at the same time.
Because without any addition, it's oh-so-perfectly right.
Because it's stupid.
Because I'm tired.

Buko Pie Bonanza

2008-09-08T23:22:00.002+08:00

Nothing beats an afternoon with a bunch of PGIs talking (and heartily laughing our hearts out) about the things they accuse we know nothing about. We just solved Marfan's Syndrome, dammit! :D

And some things (albeit pushed up right below my nose) just take precedence. The way it tastes, for once, makes it more appreciated. I just don't know if the things farther down the list appreciates their being there.

We're Lefties, Matey!

2008-09-04T21:03:00.000+08:00

But some things are just meant to be ogled at from a safe distance.

Because a blue one would be delish

2008-09-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

Gosh. Because of this event called LM, I text like a hundred times a day. Which is quite negligible compared to others, yeah, but that's something for me. Especially since I just have 3 constant textmates: may dad/mom for begging money, Cedes for catharsis, and my landlady for my laundry. Anyway, now that I have the time -sort of- I decided to free up some space in my phone's inbox. But found out that there were just to many to pick which goodies to save, so I am now thanking Mr. Delete All.

How mundane. I have nothing interesting to say, but deleting my messages.

That Post, Yes

2008-08-28T21:51:00.002+08:00

Now that I can at least sit still without immediate fear of Armageddon, I can put to paper (or cyber scribble) thoughts that have been in hodge-podge with all the hoopla that have been going on in my life lately.

First off, CONGRATULATIONS to us for winning 2008 Lady Med. And congratulations to the poeple who been behind this event! I've experienced more of the latter because I stupidly raised my hand when the question "Who wants to be Project Manager?" was tossed up in the initial meeting, thinking that everything will just fit into place. Well, they don't fall and fit together unless somebody (figuratively) moves them bodily with all the force they can muster in their 150-lb frame. Or even less, for Ate Tina's case. Because of being PM:

I got excuses to take trips to the 8th floor of the Central Block (where the offices of the administrative kings and queens of UP are located) at least twice a week
I practically have the MSC Chair on speed dial
I get these texts from random people I would never have spoken to in a world without Lady Med
I panic in the middle of night thinking about the Last Great Glitch (venue, and whoever sabbotaged the permit will experience my vengeance)
I skipped parts of classes or miss them entirely
I make new friends and new enemies
I experience, first-hand, politics
And all kinds of stuff I can't remember

*sigh*

Result: The best-ever, most/least controversial, terrible, terrific thing I can ever come up with! CULTURE COMM KICKS ASS. But what's sad is that I just wanted to this to show to 6 people what I can do. The two are my parents, of course, who couldn't be here. Another 2 bailed out last minute, but they know me and I still love them. And one just wasn't there, I HATE YOU. Only one sat through the whole shindig, and I'm not even sure kung nagustuhan niya OR kung gusto ko ba talagang andun siya. :(

Anyway, I'm never gonna be PM again for this, because I don't want to outdo myself. Yeah, there can still be lots of improvements, but I sure don't want be the one to take it to the stratosphere.

Nuff said.

Today has brought me all sorts of things. But along with the headache and the incessant fear of failure, this day has also impressed upon me the importance of little things (but they friggin' add up so WTH). I got to be reminded why I like a particular peculiar someone in the first place. And! It really is different experience to have someone to stare at during those Rest Stations.

GAAAAAH!

2008-08-23T00:26:00.000+08:00

Now all I need is You.

It's Morphin' Time!

2008-08-21T00:03:00.002+08:00

It's amazing how people can change in a snap. Really. And I can't say I blame them for that. But it can be really sad. And if they do things only because they want to think they're doing the right things, then I can just look from a distance and let them run their own agenda. They can't expect me to pick up after them. Tough love? Mebbe. But I've always believed that poeple's stupidity can be their own cure. Or poison. Take your pick.

3 Days

2008-08-20T04:10:00.000+08:00

It's been fun, but it's the most draining thing. Ever.

Squeal

2008-08-19T11:20:00.001+08:00

Favorites. :D

Headless Chicken

2008-08-17T22:43:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I just want to drop everything and hide in a dark corner.

11 and Counting!

2008-08-14T00:47:00.001+08:00

Holy shizz. Hurrah for possibilities and awesome-ness! ♥

'Lympics Hooplah!

2008-08-12T00:46:00.001+08:00

MP glee. Swimmers. ♥

Blue Bells

2008-08-10T16:14:00.001+08:00

Go, now. I have to do this.

So...?

2008-08-07T22:17:00.005+08:00

When it's raining hard, and you stupidly left your umbrella at home, but you have to get to somewhere, you just brave it, tuck your atlases with plastic, and wade in the flood. Run-ons, anyone?

I miss home so much. :( And I've been missing my dad like a hollow ache.

This streak of color haunts me, and I don't know what to call it.

There's this piece of rock in my shoe. And it's uncomfortable. So why don't I get it out? I'm not taking the shoe off, that's what.

Because you just never forget the first face you intentionally slice

2008-08-06T01:46:00.003+08:00

Congrats to friends who have amped up their lives. I just hope I recognize my turn before I'm supposed to take it. ♥ But boo for banana peel booboos. :(

Honestly, now

2008-08-03T23:56:00.002+08:00

It just dawned on me that I may never see my mother for the next months or so. :( How am I going to tide all these things over?

And I really need some ind of back-up system. I wish I could just whip one up, but sadly, it has to come out of a womb. Come now, dammit. I need you N-O-W! Please? Before I cookie-crumble in a dark corner of our cluttered apartment. :(

Nothing feels more sh*tty than being physically, socially, and mentally drained. I wish crying could just finish the job, but there's a lot of things to attend to, and they have this awdul tendency to file up in this fugly conglomerate of sh*tty-ness. Ugh. Seriously, if never knew that slitting wrists were so futile, I'd slash someone's right now.

Wooh. I never knew I was so angry til I started typing. And it hasn't abated yet, no.

There's only one saving grace this day, and that's seeing a bit of Sunshine. Sadly, this one isn't the right one, though. Come N-O-W!

Mean My Ass

2008-08-02T20:16:00.001+08:00

Something must be said for people who are in need of help, but are too comfortable on their high freakin' horse to be of use to others, even themselves.

You are now transferred to the Hopeless Case Desk. Go eff yourself. :(

When floodwater gets in your eye

2008-07-31T15:17:00.002+08:00

BEST ANATOMATE QUESTION: Kung naputol yung ulnar nerve ko, ano mangyayari sa pectineus ko?

All this separation

2008-07-25T00:40:00.002+08:00

Some people, surprisingly so, are just worth missing. For some, however, separation couldn't get any sweeter.

On another note, we got Queen Amidala to part with the greater portion of her skin today. That includes some womanly parts that's just plain disturbing.

Lady Med Update: This is the calm before the storm. Sometimes I just wanna give it up, pack up, and go. Wooh. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job...

Ads and Loading Fake Brushes

2008-07-19T12:12:00.003+08:00

When you're doing something for the past 8++ hours and you've been doing it in a sleep-deprived state, there's bound to be some errors and corresponding repercussions.

Skinning the upper extremities of a corpse is some back-breaking shizz. For those of you who are considering it, add a vat of formalin and some awkward positions, and hey presto! You get a sleepy, funky, fugly you.

Just because I'm sleepy

2008-07-16T23:13:00.003+08:00

Ever since med school, there has been a plethora of acronyms that has been pouring in from everywhere. Before, there were just OMG, WTF, WTH, TMTH, and inanities. Now, we have HS, OS, MDL, IDC, IILE, SIM, OSCE, COME, COMMED, DFCM, YHDNFPRICS, PIDIHCIHORJD, and OUEIHDIHEINDOHJFONEWPS. Whatever.

Yey for taking friendships to a whole new plane. If other b*tches have secret handshakes and whatnots, we have a tribal-slash-doggie-on-a-dashboard-mirror-image day-nce! Bome!

A Case of I-Miss-You

2008-07-13T17:21:00.002+08:00

We are charades people, and we love it. Never mind that other people have Wii parties, and whatnots. What I want to know is: When will we have the next charades party? I miss my friends so. Throw in creativity and lots of food (even if they're not the best kind, we'll take 'em!) and you get a bunch of crazy people who'll laugh at everything. Everything, I tell you.

Junk

2008-07-12T23:51:00.001+08:00

Can I just have a copy of you instead?

Yeah, Roight

2008-07-12T02:07:00.003+08:00

This is so friggin' overrated. Seriously.

Dear Sam

2008-07-12T00:58:00.002+08:00

Kudos to my brother for finally achieving one of the medals of an active childhood: a fracture. All my bones are unfortunately intact (except for my skull, doi). And the funny thing is, he thought it was so cool to have a cast. He said it was so "Hellboy."

And her name was Carolina

2008-07-11T22:01:00.002+08:00

And no, you don't pronounce it like the state.

Wow. It's been ages since I put down something decent here. Maybe because I haven't had the time to? With all these crazy things that have been happening lately, it's a wonder I can still hold a proper conversation, if only occasionally.

So today we had our very first one-on-one encounter with a real patient. Real because they really were seeking for medical attention. Hullo, they were picked out of the multitudes that come to congregate the halls of the OPD. But I don't think these people went to have their skin checked.

I had to do a physical exam on this patient who looked so harassed. Of course, these people have been sitting on stools, and have been poked at several times already. But she will forever be with me. Never mind that I wasn't supposed to diagnose her (can a hypopigmented macule with well-demarcated, non-advancing borders be fatal?). Never mind that I failed to position her properly. Never mind that I really forgot to note the absence of the secondary lesions. She was the first patient I had; the first I touched. That accounts for something, right?

All hell breaks loose when I get no sleep. Usual friendly banters morph into this ugly, uninhibited bitch fits in front of the MDL 6 people. My face gets contorted in this ugly, painful-looking way that even the least closest friend I have might reach out, pat my back, and ask me what the matter was. Well. How the stupid seats of BSLR-E were designed certainly wasn't my idea.

I'm bad with metaphors, but here goes. You know when you stub your toe on this particular nail head on this particular floorboard, you tend to put off doing something about it, because it doesn't really do anything that bad? But when the time comes that it cuts you, you just flip and you grab a hammer and decide to pull it out and throw it away, good riddance. But after a moment of heightened frenzy, you realized that you used the wrong side of the mirror. Instead of pulling out the damned thing, you pound on it with all you have, and now it's stuck in your floorboards. And you can't do anything about it. Sh8t. Oh well. Sometimes you just have to put it out of your mind.

Boohoo

2008-07-01T22:24:00.002+08:00

I think it's sad when you don't even feel depressed after a devastating exam. :( I need something, quick!

Multiple Group Messages

2008-06-29T16:26:00.000+08:00

My head is spinning from all these files that keep getting uploaded. :(

Betty Crocker Magic

2008-05-26T18:28:00.003+08:00

The 26th of May has always been a special day for me. If I don't fall asleep, that is. For days now I've been "training" to wake up at normal hours again. But seeing as how I was facing a predetermined good day, I decided to stay up doing what I've been doing best lately--watching dled reality shows. Bar the bloodshot eyes, itchy forearm, rock-hard brownies, and forgotten uniforms, it was a pretty normal day.

When these things come, you can't help but meditate on how your life has been for the past year/s. I must say, I kind of hate what I've turned into. No, not hate slit-my-wrists kind of hate. It's more of I-miss-my-old-self-and-quite-disappointed-with-the-now hate. So there's only one thing to do, I think.

White chocolate cheesecake with raspberry sauce has trumped blueberry cheesecake as my favoritest cake ever. It's simply grossly great.

Thanks to Lara for that shout out in her LJ! :D

I have but one wish for this day, though. I wish I could bake stuff from scratch. :D

I'd know the back of your head from anywhere

2008-05-25T13:02:00.000+08:00

I kind of miss you. :(

Tonguelash

2008-05-23T22:23:00.002+08:00

I may not have inherited my mom's easy-to-talk-to demeanor, but I sure get her temper- short-fused but long-burning. I even have a very good idea who she got it from.

Boo for an ending vacay

2008-05-19T20:43:00.002+08:00

But whatevs. So now I have a bit of time to kill because stupidly, I preheated the oven about 5 minutes before the brownie batter was ready. And when I was ready to put the damn thing in, I opened the door to quickly. And because of stupid rarefaction and compression, the fire went out. It took me a while to get the thing going again so there. Why do I never learn....

Tomorrow my cousins are heading home after a week or so of idly spending it here. So days before the supposed departure we had to do a final all-out summer lagaw so that their coming won't be for naught. In the city, there are only 2 "good" movies that are playing- those being Speed Racer and Iron Man (or is it Ironman?). I have seen the latter, and have been gunning to see the former. However, five minutes before leaving for the mall, I read a review saying how Speed Racer was awful and that the story was ridiculously complex, so that got me thinking: will I go see Iron Man again, or will I actually give Chim Chim a chance? I went with Chim Chim.

Yes, the story sucked. There was this one part where this rich dude in purple- I don't even remember his name!- kept blabbing 15 minutes away that I momentarily got a flashback of that white-clad Architect in The Matrix! Yes, I wanted Pops blabbing away when he explains such things, just like in the series, but I didn't want the vital parts of the story to be given away like that! And by a newbie, sheesh. Seriously.

Now that the batter's popped in the oven, I just have to waste my time enjoying Chuck before I sink my teeth in delish fudge. :D

That Freaky White Thang

2008-05-16T09:21:00.001+08:00

So my very own costume-slash-uniform arrive sometime last week and it was only 2 days ago that I even bothered to have it reproduced into several copies so I at least have several to wear. I must say, finding out that Peach Twill is held in high esteem by hospital people all over (in our city, at least) is a bit comforting. But hauling around meters of fabric while searching for appropriate-looking buttons during noon the day after heavy raining is not cool. Literally and figuratively.

Anyway, I never expected my set to fit me perfectly, but something must be said for the fly whose zipper won't even close halfway! I know I gained some weight, but I didn't get that fat. So I grabbed a ruler, measured the waistline, and discovered that several inches were not in attendance. Seriously.

What does one say to your dentist? Not that instant when you walk in the clinic and settle down on that divine chair. What do you say when you have your mouth open with some nasty-sounding thingamajig whizzing away? Now, I think yes or no questions might be managed by other gestures like wiggling eyebrows or grunts. But how about those questions needing specific answers? How do you answer "When was the last time you had your teeth cleaned?" Or "What is you grandmother's maiden name?" I guess understanding open-mouthed patients are one of the weapons in a dentist's arsenal. Add that to making excellent small talk and that amazing mist-making thingy and minutes of nerve-tingling scrutiny and hammering might just fly by.

Just when I think I'm rid of something, it comes to me in vivid terms. In my dreams at least. That was the most appealing sleep I've had in ever. And I've had lots of them, forbye. I didn't even mind playing Sleeping Beauty for a while there.

So this is turning out to be unproductive

2008-05-06T09:28:00.002+08:00

And seriously, I for one am tired of opening my email to a flood of "wanted rommie" ads. But knowing that I still am a sore topic in certain circles, though. Makes me feel very effective still. Cruel? No, just honest. :D

Really now?

2008-04-22T21:52:00.002+08:00

I didn't think that anyone so close to me could be so friggin' cynical (and FYI, hindi ako cynical). It gets a little frustrating at times. :( Go away, Negative Person!

Y!G

2008-04-22T19:10:00.001+08:00

It's weird that our Y!G is populated with people I don't know. Yet.

Huff. Puff.

2008-04-22T18:46:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Nil for the heads up regarding the grades. For once, I wasn't anticipating. And my Bio grade is what I expected it to be - an ugly scar on my otherwise quite okay 2nd Sem grade list thing whatever. I hate it. Oh well.

Aside from the labs I'm supposed to accomplish, I'm also having shots for whatever since I'll be more exposed to those stuff now. And I'm now battling a fever due to Typhoid vaccine. Ugh.

Icky

2008-04-20T12:11:00.002+08:00

I don't get it when people call other people who take a lot of pictures of themselves (or generally people who like having their pictures taken) cam whores. Okay, maybe I do get it. But I think it's rather inappropriate.

A cam whore is either:
1. an individual who exposes themself on the Internet with a webcam software in exchange for goods, usually by encouraging viewers to purchase items on their wish lists or add to their online accounts, or
2. individuals who post pictures or videos of themselves on the Internet to gain attention

So if someone calls you a cam whore, you therefore gain the right to award that person a b*tch slap. Unless you really do either/both those things, then that's a different matter altogether.

Must cite sources!

I Miss My Lappie-Tappie

2008-04-16T23:01:00.001+08:00

Now I can't update my iPod with all the David Cook goodness floating around in cyberspace. :( Not 'til one week, anyhoot.

Kasi sabi ni Anne

2008-04-15T21:10:00.003+08:00

Memes. Hmph.

RULES

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.

B. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.

(I don't want to tag anyone and have them suffer, hoho.)

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Raise a ruckus AND then decide to talk.

2. What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
What can I do? Go on liking the person 'til someone better comes along, maybe.

3. What's your take on same-sex marriages?
Not quite against it. It's what suits some people so...

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Not really, no.

5. What's your ideal lover like?
Hot at matalino, okay na yun, haha. (Shucks mababaw ba?)

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
Hmmm. I think both. The former speaks of your humanity and your ability to enrich someone else, and the latter refers to your effing appeal to the tasteful few. :D

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
Haha and it doesn't happen now? Uhm, yes, I guess. If there's nothing better to do.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Refer to Number 7.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Nope, not really.

10. What do you want most in life?
To love and be loved in return is the expected answer. Me, I just want my MD, my family, and a bit of dessert on the side.

11. Is being tagged fun?
It's horrible. :D

12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
Raise a ruckus, then talk. Hopefully, what they have more than compensates for my hypothetical wrath. Props to them for risking that, haha.

13. Who is currently the most important person to you?
Why ask?

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
She's an evil witch.

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Married and rich. But I think I'll turn out to resemble the first choice.

16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, what would you do/how would you react?
I know for a fact that I can be recognized, so this question is of no moment.

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
Yes.

18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
Really, such a thing is possible? In reality? The person I love more, of course.

19. What type of friends do you like?
The good type.

20. If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
Laugh out loud. Hopefully, that person is a good sport. If not, then that's too bad.

I'm Comfortably Unproductive

2008-04-15T00:57:00.002+08:00

So now that going to the beach (and touring a whole island in the period of one day) is out of the way, I now have nothing to do except bury myself with all the good pages I packed with my clothes for the journey home, the amount of the said reams dwindling at a rate faster than my days are going, dangit. Ah well, there's always the occasional NG magazine and whatnots my dad might have, aye?

So now that I sport a nice tan (although by no means have I been very fair to start with), I stupidly consume more chocolate truffles than my body needs, hence the need for the regular trips to the gym which have been reduced to a less than regular state due to a mishap that caused my arms to resist a certain amount of lifting. Funny though it may sound now, but funny it was not when I was putting on my shirt then.

I now have discovered that I may be inclined to having a favorite brother, hard as I quell the idea. How random was that!

I thought that the time that I spent (and will continue to spend) away from school and all its nastiness would afford me even an instant of a someone not being in my thoughts. Wrong. Someone once said that I had to stop visiting a certain blog, but forgetting about this wise bit of advise, I typed the URL by reflex and found myself a bit startled when I found myself staring at three new posts. Muscle memory, guh.

It's quite unfortunate that I went to a high school one boat ride away. Now that I feel the need of company - not that I'm lacking any as I do have a large family, mind - I can't do anything about it because (1) those people have summer classes, and (2) those who are available are too inaccessible.

Rant, rant, rant is what this post turned out to be.

Oh and Bean's post about the iMed brouhaha turned out to be quite touching, it having a reference to my astig-ness, haha. I've wanted to do similar one for weeks now, but I think I'll never get around to writing it. I guess it will have to remain a personal sentiment, won't it?

Oh, and I stumbled on a bit of good advice when I was occupying myself with the aforementioned pages:

Put your trust in God, and pray for guidance. And when in doubt, eat.

I've written this post a number of times, but it does not diminish the feeling

2008-03-28T16:16:00.002+08:00

Yeah, so I'm one exam away from being home. Can I just say that the prospect of having a real summer vacation since entering college is way better eating a pint of ice cream and a handful of walnuts? Giddy me wants to pack everything already, but alas, duties must come first.

I never got the hang of gift-getting for people with birthdays. I always end up buying stuff that I want for myself, and praying hard that the one who's at the receiving end doesn't raise a brow.

It's funny when people sometimes get too giddy and chatty with you when they think they know something's up (Cybill, hello!). But what I write here sometimes may be too vague even for me to decipher, hoho. So to anyone who's been drawing circles and putting two and two together regarding my Holy Week post, let me just say good luck in finding out the rest of the story.

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away

And you still do, despite everything I went through. Oh, sige manghula pa kayo. :D Have a good vacay, all! I'm gonna get one mahself.

For Church services that last 2.5 hours

2008-03-23T14:10:00.002+08:00

We are an Easter people, and Hallelujah is our Song.

(I miss all the chanting. Luckily, the priest knew what he was doing. ♥)

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!

Holy Week Hoopla

2008-03-22T19:28:00.003+08:00

Honestly, I never understood people who would flock to the beach come Holy Week. Jesus Christ died and you scream your lungs out while splashing on the fairways? Seriously.

So I've been bumming around, not wanting to do anything overly productive. I have watched movies, read little bits of literature (or heavy pocketbooks), and finished (or nearly) my lab reports. To anyone who has not seen Crash yet, please do. Sobrang ganda, as in. (Ech, I really am a product of my generation)

Holy Wednesday came as a treat. Stations of the Cross in UA&P, lunch at Shang, Blizzards at Eastwood, and that tasty Kopi Bun almost faded to nothingness as compared to the greatness of friends, especially one in particular.

Sitting around for you third confession ever will make you think. No, not just that bit about the examination of conscience, but of what you have and how lucky you are to have them. Sure, you might snap because of a few stray brambles, but everything has its worth, roight?

So with a pounding heart, I entered the confessional and emerged (hours later?) with a wide grin on my face that I had to wipe off ASAP because of the somber and occasionally confused looks that went my way. Hullo, I'm a lot cleaner and I'm happy about it! What's confusing about that?

So I just have to take a few exams in the coming week, and I will temporarily bid toodles to Manila and enjoy some R&R with the family, wherever that may be. And I do hope the shirts turn out fantastic. And my Med uniform supercalifragilisticexpialidocius.

It's March 18, y'all

2008-03-18T17:36:00.002+08:00

AND I do not feel any sort of relief whatsoever. What I do feel is this constant headache that has my head a-throbbing for days now. :(

Somebody (a teacher, mayhap?) let slip that many departments have scheduled exams for Holy Wednesday, in the hopes of missing the major Holy Week events and thus gaining some headway before the Finals Week. Now that Wednesday has been declared a holiday... I could just imagine DPSM resembling a kicked anthill, and I don't like it one bit.

As I have been telling Cedes for days now: Nasan na ba ang ka-chorva ko?

Homestretch

2008-03-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

Gamay na lang guid nga agwanta...

As with all weeks

2008-03-08T11:48:00.003+08:00

This one started with a headache. I'll not even get into the exams, nuh-uh.

So let's focus on the highlights.

I have not been eating dinner lately! Hoo-ray for me. Dinner is usually my biggest meal (I can hear people groan) because I do not want to sleep starving. But school has been messing up my body clock that when I get home all I do is sleep, and when I wake up it's always past dinnertime and I don't wanna bother. Yey!

Politicians are not that bad. That's saying something for ones who are smart and fight for just causes. And we see results! Gosh this thing happening is like the Inquisition. I'm just waiting for the Church to revive the heretics-on-a-stake hoopla.

We can make good movies! Congrats to Ang Kapanapanabik na Pakikipagsapalaran ni Manuel Magiting and Dyakpat for bagging most (all but one!) of the awards. Choc-nut galore, woohoo! The most embarrassing thing about it all is my winning that category. Can you say, Lab yu, Ga? I bet most people didn't even understand the whole of what I said.

I bid goodbye to one of my most favorite subjects of all time. Yes, that is PE. PE always meant an excuse to be out of your normal school setting. Pisay made me love it even more, especially the very lenient treatment of our teachers (You are meant to be nerds, not athletes) and the annual Dance Culminating Activity. Come college though, what was offered to us sucked, partly because the building we PE-ed in looked too imposing and gloomy a place. But whatever. PE is in the past now...

I decided to dl this year's Academy Awards Best Picture. I must say, artsy films always bore the hell out of me. But before it came to that I spent 10 cringe-worthy minutes watching Javier Bardiem's character wreak havoc with pressurized gas. I didn't wait for me to get to the heart of the story. Add to this that Texan accent and all you get is mush, haha.

Root of all Evil

2008-02-29T22:15:00.001+08:00

Bakit ba ang bobo ko sa Bio Lec...?

My Very Bloated Wednesday

2008-02-27T18:52:00.002+08:00

This day started in somebody's condo unit, ehem. The task: to edit the damn STS movie. And so therewe were, Ced, Miggy, and I. Edit edit edit. 2/3 of the iMed couples crashed (the other can't kasi mahilig umuwi yung isa, haha), and what was supposed to be a closed group filming became a full-blown chips/birthday party. After picking out a very beautiful title for the movie, we decided to render it for [hopefully] the last time. Because we had nothing to do in the interim, all of us contributed in the translation of the transcript for the subs. And after the creatively exhausting ordeal, the couples decided to sleep. Of course, they took ALL of the sleeping/soft surfaces of the enitre condo. The original trio was left with nothing but chairs and the wooden floor. When exhaustion finally took over after all of the subbing brou-ha-ha, we had no choice but to push on, or lie on the floor. Ced and I chose the latter. *There's a silent bitchy comment here, but I'd rather leave it unsaid, although I can't say it's without justification.*

Who the hell eats a wasabi-smeared burger? A dollop would have been fine, but to have a 5mm-thick layer is more than a tad necessary. For me, anyway. Apparently some enjoy the ridiculous excuse of an exotic burger as it's still on the menu. Eck. I'm sticking to what I know.

I was really tempted not to bring anything to school today. Nothing of great significance for me actually happened so...

Sabi ni Maria Mena (na pinaalala sa akin ni Cy): I'm sorry for the time I put my hand between your legs and said it was small 'cause it's really not at all. (Not very appropriate for the post, but I felt like putting it somewhere).

Pahiram ng Panundot ng Kawali

2008-02-20T22:12:00.002+08:00

Why do art films have to be so friggin' dragging? Is it because of the probability that if they speed up, the movie would be compressed to a length comparable to that of a TV show?

For certain people, change can be poisonous. :(

And I would love to live in that Chocolate Room. Where everything is edible? Including myself. But that's called cannibalism, which is frowned upon by most cultures around the world. Good morning, Star Shine! The Earth says "HELLO!"

before it all turns to mush

2008-02-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

and i'm skipping the shift key for a while, though it feels rather odd.

when someone asks you something the instant you've woken up, you muddily agree. but some things just turn out great and you find yourself craving for seconds. or maybe even thirds.

and when the thing you're doing (or in my case: just did) is more of her thing that your thing, you can't help but feel a tad sentimental. don't get me wrong. i loved sinta, but i think she'll love it even more. and i'm not reminiscing. just cleansing here.

experiencing the whole thing made me miss high school a lot. when we arrived at the arneo, the sun was still up and the gates won't open for another 2 hours. so we sat at these stone benches. i saw groups of students laughing, jamming, and hanging out, and i instantly remembered the rounds we used to do around the quadrangle (circles and squares, hmmm). i've been hearing about these great things about other campuses around the country, but i miss my own pisay. and i miss my friends. :(

and this post was not supposed to be about my missing my school.

about sinta, i loved every single part of it. i loved the happy gahasa song. i loved mang pedring. i loved props. basta. andami. and i wanna see it again, with or without whoever.

valentine's day is approaching, but it never really did have a lot of significance for me. i'm more of a birthday guy. so anyway, people are staying up making projects, buying stuff, and doing countless other "romantic" things, but i think i'll just conveniently blot out the day from my existence. the mushiness of it all, blech. sorry to those who planned. :D butter, anyone?

Bio Brouhaha

2008-02-07T21:34:00.001+08:00

Splurging is good when you plan it ahead and pull through, especially with good people (or person). Then it multiplies when you drag along a number of your blockmates (or they come along, whatever). It compounds even more when you meet some more of them as you do your thang. But the soufflé falls when you get seated next to the most obnoxious person ever. And when you eat at a place whose only other branch is at his favorite mall (aka the mall near his place, yes the one he keeps mentioning all the friggin' time), you are in for a serious treat of made up stories that you can easily deconstruct as it takes shape (and yes, I took the bait). And the cherry on top: studying for one subject whose exam nearly killed you and cramming for another one a mere hour before you had to take it (and while taking it you wonder whether your proctor literally practices what she preaches). Sum all of these up and you get a whole lot of verbal thrashings and bitchiness and sarcasm. And this was supposed to be a happy post. Oh well.

Updating does have its uses

2008-02-05T13:34:00.001+08:00

I am trying this new thing I just discovered while reading up for STS. Apparently, you can post blogs using MS Word 2007. Or has it been around for so long and it's only now that I'm learning about this? HAHA, oh well. I'm all about learning new stuff. :D

It's Your Birthday Today

2008-02-04T19:55:00.000+08:00

Finally, somebody has joined me on this cause of getting out of that place and basking under the sun. I just hope her membership is for keeps, and not just for show. I wish you well. I wish *us* well. Separately, of course.

Now as for my own affairs, I can't really solidify them into words right now. But I know one thing - I won't talk about it anymore. Not at loud, at least. Gosh, I can't believe on how pathetic I've become. And nobody even thought of telling it to my face. But then again, maybe someone did think about it. That person may only not have the guts to do something about it, thinking that I'd slap that person right back. This line of thinking is similar to that belief that I (do not/cannot/will not) cry. It's sometimes funny to think of what other people think about you.

So there. I hope you're happy. You were my friend, after all. And I still am. So whenever you're ready for nothing more than what I can offer, it's there.

On Brothers

2008-02-02T01:06:00.000+08:00

You really know how much you miss them after crying over SEVERAL Zathura's scenes.

NMAT, hurrah!

2008-02-01T02:33:00.000+08:00

So I did good, yey! After the anxiety of waiting for your own results when everyone else has theirs, I now know that the future is brighter. Or darker. Whichever way you want to take it.

*

Mint-flavored frozen yogurt tastes like frozen toothpaste. Mmmmm.

*

I hate the fact that I'm so smitten. Or maybe there's nothing to hate. That you're just the I'm-between-people-right-now-and-you-look-good-so-you'll-be-it-for-
the-meantime person. Oh, I just remembered how you smell. Just now.

*

I shall sleep now. Nil's alarm just woke half of the room up. :D