Who the Hell is Ali?

Before you go on reading this, please feel free to browse over my friend's blog:

outfromthecracks.blogspot.com.

Who is Ali?

Or better yet, who are we?

Ali said that Ali is not who I think she is. So it's just like she said that she is not Ali. Wait. That sounds confusing. Well if you think about it, it's not that hard.

I've heard that we could partition our personality. Could we really? What's the point? Anyway, one said that who we show can be different than who we hide inside. That's partly true, I think.

I do not make any sense. Let me start from the beginning...

Ali was once a detached person. She never really joined me and Cute during one of those laughing fits we had in the middle of Java lessons. Cute once asked Ali why she doesn't join us. Ali just said that it wasn't in her nature. To do exactly what, I don't know.

This Ali always wanted to change who she is. She never really liked her old self because she was not quite nice before. This is according to her. I liked her. I never really cared if she wanted the change. Well, that's for her to decide. I'll just support her in any way that I can. That's what friends are for, right?

After a few years, she really did start to change. Many people noticed. She even exclaimed once that she was happy because she achieved what she has longed for. Naturally, I was happy for her. She just didn't know.

Finally, the changes she'd made has taken a toll on people. It wasn't really natural. It was like she was forcing herself. I know that if she reads this, she'll kill me. But if she knows how I feel about her, then maybe that would ease things up.

These past few months, things became out of control. One of her best friends, Cute, wasn't talking to her anymore. I really don't understand the reason behind this, but that's for them to work out. She became a different person. A lot has changed. She's not the friend I once loved for who she is. Am I still going to like her? What kind of a question is this. Of course I should! But what she is doing is hurting a lot of people around her, including me.

Including Cute.

Since she and cute aren't talking to each other anymore, she found a new friend to keep at her side. Let's call her Newbie. Anyway, she and Newbie were always together. The seat beside Ali, where Cute once sat, is now filled by Newbie. What was worse was that she and Newbie were doing the same stuff I was doing with Cute. This really hurt Cute a lot. Is this one of the side effects of the change she really wanted?

I tried to patch things up between Ali and Cute, but somehow it just doesn't happen. Talk about weird. I tried to talk with Ali. She said she was open to anything. She said that who she really is is just kept inside her, and that part of her is different from the Ali that we see everyday. Isn't so hard to maintain two different personas?

Ali said that she wanted to help Cute. This got Cute in a fit? She didn't need any help! It was Ali who needed serious straightening out. The things I say!

Who really is Ali? The one inside or the one we see?

If you're reading this Ali, I'd like to have a long talk with you. Snatch me or something. I'm mighty scared of you biting my head off. Anyway, I'm open too. I don't want to take any sides. So what's yours?

As I've said before, things in our Res gropu is getting out of hand... Not in the real sense, but it's getting there. Now this scares me.

We don't talk a lot to each other anymore. That's because we're caught up with different people nowadays. Ali's with this other gurl (with a very...uhm...not very nice reputation) and (let's call the other girl Cute) Cute is with this guy. Don't worry about me. I don't have a pemanent buddy.

Anyway, since Ali and Cute stopped talking to each other, things took a turn for the worse. We still do our Research but it's a lot harder to do without talking to each other. My gosh!!! What am I going to do with them? Nobody's making a step towards world peace and things are going to come to an end quickly, so will I just let it stay that way?

Cute can live with the conflict. Sge even said we can work without being friends, for God's sake! The other one? I don't know about her. She seems unreachable these days. She's always with this girl. No not always. Most of the time will do.

Argh! If anybody knows about these stuff, let me know... I'm desperate!

Humph! I just spent another day doing nothing. As usual, our teachers didn't feel like holding regular classes. We just had an Econ reporting, a Chem long test, a Physics discussion, and a Health forum about birth control. Life just seem to drag on when you're not having any fun at all!

Most of my day was just spent practicing for a puppet show (Mariang Alimango). I don't have to do much physical work unless you consider stretching your vocal chords too physical. Duh.

I had a bad lunch! My gosh, I had this chicken that doesn't look like it's edible, I had rice that's way too hard, and I had to wash it down with only a little Coke. I didn't even feel half full! What else is there to say.

Oh. I have to write about this gurl...

I have this classmate. I won't really write her real name. Let's just call her ALI.

Ali is this girl who is almost out of anyone's league. I don't know how she does it, but she just seems to glow. Most guys in my class treat her with this kind of detached reverence. It's inhumane at some point, and I didn't really feel that sort of crap until something happened.

I don't exactly know what happened or what started it, but our Research group is falling apart.
Maybe it's just our differences that's creating all the trouble but I think it's more. Myself and this other share so much in common. We even finish each other's sentences, for chrissakes! I didn't think it was even possible!

Anyway, when we work, we (myself and this other girl) always laugh and have fun and think like we're connected in some sort. This other girl, noticing Ali's detachment, asked her if she could join us. Ali just decalred that she isn't like us and that she doesn't feel the need to join. That left me felling.... I dunno, but this really devastated the other girl. They were best friends but along with our Res group, they sorta fell apart. That's sad. Now when we work, it's just like there's this one thing in our minds: to finish everything. No more fun. No more finishing each other's sentences. No more planning for gigs or some things. All I'm worried about is that the two girls treat each other with such cold detachment, but they don't even admit it. Gosh! What is it with girls?!

Now that we're graduating, the idea of them patching up and returning to what they once were is seriously blurry. I just hope that they realize it soon before time deteriorates the strong bond of frienship that they once shared.

Why is it that Math 5 is so boring? I thought about it for a while and I came up with some explanations...

The schedule.

It's not a wonder why we tend to sleep on their chairs during afternoon sessions. The work involved for the whole day saps us of our energy that we can't possible stay awake for the last classes in the afternoon. It's such a long day and we can't help feeling tired, especially with just a few hours of sleep. But I think that I will still end up asleep on my seat even if the schedules were shifted or something.

The lesson.

Math 5 is not that hard. We haven't reached Calculus yet so it doesn't really require a lot of thinking (for me, anyway). So instead of listening intently to the teacher lest I miss something, I often find myself thinking about irrelevant stuff. I can just ask my classmates about the lesson. I really can't miss anything.

The teacher.

Dear spirits! I'm not saying anything against our teacher or anything, but why does he not recognize the look in our eyes when we're not paying attention? He caught my classmate sleeping with her head on the wall and her mouth open once, but that didn't seem to ruffle his feathers! That's one thing. He can never get angry. He's so tolerant of our behavior so we don't really fear him or his reactions. Buot bi katama... I think he knows that he bores us (what a bad thing to say), but he doesn't do anything about it! He doesn't change his teaching methods. He may crack jokes once in a while, but because we're often in a stupor we don't recognize them! Luoy man si Sir. He means well but that's who he is so we really can't do anything about it now, could we?

Hullo everyone! These people inpsire me every Friday to getting under the sun, scream my lungs (and my voice) out and be the best officer there ever was, is and forever will be in the history of PSHSWV AFCAT-1. Yes, this is MY Alpha 1, my flight.

Most people do not understand the essence of CAT. As I've written in our school paper, CAT isn't just about baking under the heat of the sun or frying in your own sweat. (If you wanna know more, pick up a copy of Banaag...)

I don't want to sound desperate or anything so I won't plague you with the details of our every formation... : )

Most people in our school don't recognize our hardships. Most don't see that we, officers, are giving parts of ourselves in service to everyone. They just don't.

Some people see us as enemies to be wary of. Some people see us as monsters. I don't care about those people. I just don't.

What matters to me are the ones who cared to understand us. That with our heavy responsibilities we have to risk some of the things we have. We have to give up our time to eat just to plan for an upcoming formation. We have to give up some of our time to study for the next period's quiz just to talk about our grading scheme. But life isn't all about this.

Being an officer is very rewarding. I don't give a damn about the people who talk behind our backs. To hell with them! I'm enjoying what I do and that's all there is to it.

Another aspect of being an officer is the COQC. It's like putting your hands in fresh, unshaped clay. You can mold the next set of officers to become the best (well, second to you, of couse but best for the sake of saying it... : ) ...) or the worst monsters... Hope they do well next year...

Life sucks. I had to make another blog because my last one just got deleted! I guess it's no wonder I called this page "Getting Impatient."

I had to start schooling today. After twoo weeks of pure TV! Ah, I'm starting to miss those days of getting wasted and eating... Yup, life's a-wasting but being a scholar for Philippine Science High School has robbed me so much of my leisure time that I feel I deserve a long break from burying myself in my books... We can't get everything, right?

I didn't hear a lot of after-vacation talks today. Or were there? I'm jo so sick to listen. It's annoying to listen and to wipe you nose every once in a while. I've had this cold for a few days now and my head is always throbbing. I'm sick of bieng sick! Did I just sound redundant?

Wait.

I had to wipe my nose.

There. So...

My whole school day rotted. We had to go to school but I didn't feel like going to. After days of TV... We had to sit on these hard plastic chairs all day doing nothing. No teacher wanted to teach us anything! That's good, I guess. Nthing could get pastmy sleepiness. I just wanted to sleep!

I still don't know where to go to college. I haven't received any letters yet! But I heard that the DLSU results are out only they're available on the web. I had to find out! Well, a friend say I passes but I had to see for myself. Anyway, I sat with a few of my classmates after having lunch when this friend approached me. She said I was a candidate for a Star Scholarship in DLSU! Wow! I didn't even pay that much attention during the axams. We had this very soft-spoken proctor. I couldn't hear anything beacause I was seated in the back row! Gosh. I guess if you lose some, you gain some.

Anyway, this ends here. I gotta do stuff.

Wait.

I had to wipe my nose again.