i promised to post two things in my blog today.

number 1.

joanne asked me: ano ba ang isang relatively perfect marriage proposal para sa akin? yung gagawin ko. hindi yung gagawin sa akin. as if naman no. so i thought. hard. really really hard.

tapos may naisip ako.

syempre yung girl doctor ata. tapos pano ako magpo-propose? well, ilalagay ko sa loob ng katawan ko (naisip ko sa may gastrocnemius... meron ba ako nito o sa palaka lang ba to?) yung ring, tapos she'd do surgery on me. pagbukas niya ng katawan ko, voila! lilitaw ang ring. all gory and all, pero yun. tapos may letter. dapat blood-proof siya. tapos andun nakasulat yung stuff na gusto kong sabihin. syempre unconcious ako habang nagaganap ang mga ito. haha. yun lang.

but of course i came up with a better one. ano ito? chicklet!

number 2.

bio lec was uber fun today. for two things. yung presentation ni sir hallare (yung campbell thingy) nasa laptop ko. tapos dala ko rin yung laptop ko. so nagdidiscuss siya sa harap. kami ni joanne sa likod ay may nearer version. wee! up close sans the sound nga lang. tapos yung isang reason, super natuwa ako sa hangaroo session with the whole class. grabe ang weird nun. tapos game na game naman si sir. feeling ko naawa siya sa mga gusgusing bata na nagpupumilit na pumasok kahit halos humilata na dahil sa pagod. go sir! tapos yung reaction ng madla, nakakatuwa! pero ano kaya yung matlock na yun? ang weird.

yun lang. tapos na.

waht a very biological night. i'm supposed to do my bio report for tomorrow, but i can't think. yes, my brain is currently out of service. yuck, para naman elevator. why do i always want to put studying off? it's such a necessity. talaga? kasi it's boring. and it's depressing. and even though i end up having pounds of eye bags on my face every day, the results of all my hard work are just barely passing. mediocre. so why put too much effort for something that doesn't really yield glorious results? experience? experience is overrated.

so i find diversions. life daw isn't about grades. shut up! eh, magiging doctor kaya ako pag di ako pumasa? at di raw pinapansin ang grades na nakuha ko sa CAS kung nasa med school na ako. doi. pano kaya ako makakapasok ng med school kung babagsak ako, aber? so we all end up burning eyebrows until we have none of them left. does this idiom even translate?

i clearly am not coherent. my writing is all disjointed and stuff. and i am so sleepy.

i know why my brain is resisting me. it's so early. sabi kasi ni dr. magboo, we work best during wee hours of the day. di ba to relative?

hay naku. i miss you, starbucks.

ayokong maumpog sa araw. it's too big a responsibility. may lingon-lingon effect pa. ayoko nga! i want to be kept in the dark forever. kahit makapiling ko ang mga uod, okay lang. magsasama na lang kami ni mariang pandakokak. magagalit kaya si islaw palitaw? gawd, i recited in hum for the second time. yey moi!

at feeling ko kailangan ko nang gawin yung bio lab namin. baka saksakin ako ni pokolo ng sangkatutak niyang mga scalpel.

bless me.

"Life's a bitch and then you die."

Yes. Everyday is a crappy week. We remember hearing other people that life is a cycle, a wheel, or whatever. But I really think that this wheel is stuck for the time being. With us at the bottom. Right before it hits a pice of crap on the road. Thank you, Patrick, for the nice mental picture. Or what about the wave part? I think that the stupid wavelength just changed at the same instant we're at the trough. Gah! What a bad metaphor.

I've been reading friends' blogs and I can't help agreeing. And feel depressed. And totally sucky. but I can't help by adding to the mournful lament (emphasis lang!) of the general public. Tinatamad din akong pag-isipan at isa-isahin ang mga bagay na dapat kong gawin at maranasan.

Is this worth all the stress? I guess so. I mean, I think I already had the idea that I'll be hitting my head with a sledge hammer before I decided to fully commit. It's just different--the thinking part, and the actual doing part.

I need a motivation. I need a little bit of sunshine. Yuck.

Ano kaya ang bright side ng iMed? Shortcut MDs? Bragging rights? Well, there's also you.

Wow. This day was not one of those days when you can feel bright and shiny. Everything has to go wrong. But I think I don't want to elaborate on the demons of today. Like any other bad day, I decided to look for something that could save it. I found two: Joanne and Cedes.

When will I realize that I'm not alone? I think I'm starting to. What with all these IPC stuff they're stuffing down our throats. Anyway... Salamat sa kanilang dalawa.

When you plan to do stuff, you don't ask others how to do it. Nor do you ask for a confirmation. You just friggin' do it. And then you see the consequences. Okee? Kung sino ka man, ewan. Basta.

I disappoint me. Akala ko super andami kong masasabi sa 100th post ko. But then again, I could just delete a post and then write another 100 post. Whatever pleases me.

I have been through the ugliest day, ever. Well, ugliest by far. Ang weird nito. I don't want to share it. Probably because marami na rin ang may alam. Ano pa bang ma-i-she-share (phew!) ko?

My Tuesday (of course I'm talking about my worst day ever) had only three saving graces. (1) I got a fifteen in our Bio lec quiz which I didn't study for. (2) Dr. Magboo was kind enough not to hold classes. But of course he had reasons of his own and I think he didn't just do that to somehow give us a boost but it's nice to think so anyway. (3) The best part of all: secret.

***

I wanna see Dream Girls.

***

I like Red Ribbon silvanas better than Razon's silvanas.

***

I knotted my third cherry stem today. Three out of three, woohoo! Now all I need is another venue for this skill's (?) application. Haha.

***

Yuck I have to study for Kom. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck! I thought after the midterms I won't be forced to think of Aristotle and his cronies again. But no! Ma'am has to make us go through the Empyerno ng Komunikasyon all over again. That makes it twice in less than a week. Go leave us be, why don't you?

***

I have nothing else to say. Had today been yesterday, you, yes YOU, would be reading a long entry full of bitterness and self-rewarded consolations. But now I'm empty. And because of all the things going on, it's a welcome feeling.

I wasn't very productive today. And I hate it. This day started very early. I had JF wake me up the instant he left. The second he was out the door I went back to sleep automatically. Two hours later I decided I would start my day properly--with Grey's Anatomy. And I couldn't even see well because my eyes were still half-closed. During in the middle I couldn't help breaking in tears. Goerge's dad died. So I was upset. Haha.

Then I decided to get a haircut. And I will endure this stupid thing adorning my head for weeks. Bad idea. I also decided to get Chicki a birthday gift who's turning legal tomorrow. No suck luck in Rob. So I decided to get it on the way.

I stopped at Gateway. No such luck in Fully Booked. And there were no other bookstores! So I had to fly to the nearby Ali Mall. But the one I wanted was out of stock! Again! Stupid stupid stupid. So I had to settle for something else. BY this time I was super late, and I was practically flying to the LRT platform.

While I was waiting at the Katipunan station, I got a call from my friend who was fetching me. He was on the other side of the street! On the OTHER exit! Bakit naman kasi ang tanga tanga ko. I had no way to cross so I had to go down the station, buy another ticket, and exit at the other exit. Such a waste.

Anyway, I got to hug a lot of friends today. And hear one practically condemning the SmartBro people and their lousy service (the very same service that is connecting me to the Blue Nowhere right now). I am also n pesos poorer. At first time ko rin sa Ateneo! Ang jologs.

We spent this day relishing Chicki's last day as a minor. Chuylet, tigulang ka na. Kadamu na sang pwede mo himu-on. Pwede ka na gid mapriso kag mag-bakal porn. Haha. Still, HAPEE BURTDI!!!

We shot pictures in the dark and giant-ant-infested field. We talked for hours about nothing in particular. We laugheed like we were still going in one school. And I got to eat two slices of Marjolaine. Yes. This day is far from perfect, but I love it.

And WE got to talk.

Ang saya. Sana meron ulit. Sino na yung next? Wynne! Haha. I shall have to wait and endure a lot of things first.

*sigh

gosh. my story is escaping from me. it must be the late night slash early morning brain-scrambling technique brought to you by Lack Of Sleep. i have to sleep more. but why is it that once i skip a night, i seem to go on for days on end? i'll just realize... never mind.

*yawn

good night, everyone. and good night to YOU.

I was walking by Kenny Roger's today (fine, this afternoon), and Iwas hit by a strong craving for a brownie a la mode. But I shall not give in to my desire. No more luxury calories! So instead of having dinner, brownie na lang.

I hate cherries. They don't taste that great. A tad synthetic, actually. Pero nakalimutan kong sabihin na I wanted my brownie+ice cream poison sans the cherry. So it unwantedly appeared on my beautiful dessert plate. Imagine that. All that warm brown and white perfection, stained by a plastic-tasting blood-red fruit. Anyway, bahala na siya. Deadma ko na lang siya.

Tapos k ona ang brownie (at ang ice cream, duh) at natitira na lang yung cherry. Gosh. Binayaran ko rin naman diba? So imbes na masayang, kinain ko. Yuck.

Yuck!

Goodbye cheery cherry!

Naiwan yung stem. I remembered this movie where this girl popped a cherry stem in her mouth and then produced a mini carousel afterwards. Syempre, exaggerated naman yun, diba? But I decided to try the whole tie-a-cherry-stem-knot-with-your-tongue trick. Gosh ang hirap niya. And I bet I looked weird. Imagine that.

Anyway. Nagawa ko rin siya. On the first try. Am I not great? Haha. Sharing my accomplishments lang po. At syempre tuwang tuwa ako no? That's how shallow you get after going through 3 departmental exams. Justifying myself? Pretty much.

So where's the knotted cherry stem now? Pressed between heavy pages. To dry out. And it will be forever be in my vault of memorable things, knotted or otherwise.

yes. after a week of not sleeping, it's finally over. i'd love to do a long post, but i think even the palms of my fingers want to sleep, too. so don't hold your breath over this one. *wilts*

***

oh, and stop being the imbecilic moron that you are and own me now.

Yuck, I'm uber corny.

Anyway, I still have a lot of things to do (demm teachers!), but because I have been excited about this for days on end, I'm forcing myself to divert my attention to healthy blogging instead of reading my particularly dislikable Kom III notebook (piece of crap!).

It all started when... Para namang fairy tale. Basta.

Three students (one is super-eager) arrived at the OR floor at around 8:20++. Eager ba masyado? Deh. Punctual lang. Basta. Nung andon na kami sa OR, wala yung head nurse (Ma'am Julie, nasaan ka?) so we had to wait in the conference room. For 1 hour. Medyo nainip na rin kami so we decided to follow up. Tapos may guy dun na alam naman pala kung anong ipagagawa sa amin! Duh! ! hour of OR time, wasted!!! Grr.

So we dressed in pretty [old and stained and basically ugly] white scrubs and discovered that they are made to fit Nanette Inventor and they don't close up around your crotch area. Peek-a-boo! And super lamig kasi yun lang suot ko (+unmentionables at sapatos, of course). But anyway, underway na rin yung OR experience namin.

Unfortunately, gender discrimination is at work here, so hanggang cherry-ball-making lang si Anne habang kami ni Ivan ay hang-out sa OR talaga. Ewan ko lang kung saan na-assign si Ivan, pero andun ako sa may Ortho. At wow. Pagdating ko, may hip replacement na nagaganap, may traction kasi may batang nabali-an, at may procedure that involves rod sticking out of your skin, and a lot of radiation. Pero wala pa yung cool part.

I got to watch a whole open biopsy procedure sa isang OR. Okay, biopsy lang siya, pero sobrang namangha ako. OR din naman yun, diba?

So pini-prep pa lang yung patient, tapos dumating yung surgeon. Dr. Huang, o Wang. Basta. Dialogue, please.

Doctor (to moi): Ikaw ba yung intern?
Pat: Hindi po (tapos umalis ako, kasi natakot ako).
Dr: You don't need to go. I just need to know who you are. Kasi sa OR you don't want a lot of extra people.
Pat: (explain ako kung sino ako at kung anong pakay ko)
Dr: Well in that case, you are more than welcome to be an extra people here. (Plural ba ako?)

Siyempre natuwa naman ako. Tapos nung nagsimula na talaga yung procedure...

Dr: Patrick, you can come close and watch. Just don't touch anything blue.
Pat: (syempre lapit ako)
Dr: Nasan na yung intern? Sige lapit ka rin.

Wow naman. At feeling special naman itong si lolo niyo. Haha. And I stayed for the whole thing. Yes, iniwan na ako ng OR buddy ko (nagtutulak siya ng post-op patients papuntang recovery room) kasi feeling ko gets niya na super na-engganyo ako. Nakakahiya naman.

Tapos ang hirap magtulak ng gurney! Ambibigat ng mga pasyente! Ang hirap pang mag-maneuver. Grr. Yung isang pasyente, binangga ko ng ilang beses. Sa pader at sa ibang pasyente na post-op din. Gawd, I'm so clumsy.

Ang galing. Gusto ko nang tumira sa OR...

these things. they're too much! i hope i stay sane long enough to do all of these. then again, if i go insane, i won't have to do them. so, lesser of two evils? i don't think so...