College is different. It means stepping out of your comfort zone, even a little, and exploring the world around you. It is the doorway of the real world. Life bites harder. Reality sucks more... But it has its compensations. It's not all about pain and hardships, maybe. I don't know. I haven't been though it yet. But I'm hoping. It's not bad to wait for a whole silver cloud to come by, right?

I don't know, but I think I have to exert more effort. Duh. It seems that everyone is a formidable foe, but the only one I have to compete with is me. I feel so inferior . I belong in a class where everyone is the best. Well, in a way. I'm not one of the few leaders anymore. I'm not one of the shiniest stars. I'm one of the many. But one thing is for sure. I'm still one of the loudest voices. I think I'm having a slight Inferiority Complex! Oh no! But I think it's all in my mind. Once I get over this hump in my life I can move on faster. But how long will it take me to recover? How many quizzes do I have to fail (I've failed two so far...)? How much thinking will I have to do?

Help! I'm stuck. Wow. In a few hours I'll be taking the Math 17 Departmental Exam and I'm still typing this long overdue essay. I have to restrain myself more! But I feel the need to type more. To say more.

Life in Manila is different. No fresh air, that's one thing! The cost of living is so high! But if one knows how to look, one can get by without spending too much.

Living away from home is not a very new experience for me. But before I can get to go home every weekend! Here, now, my weekends are dull. Nothing but cup noodles, TV, and a little mall on the side. Ugh. Such a monotony. BUt one has to endure such petty things in pursuit of greater stuff. One has to let go of the comforts of home.

I miss speaking my own language. The nuances of the Tagalog language are now rubbing on me! I almost sound like them! I even prolong my vowels now! Oh my. Short are the times when I can talk my native language--phonecalls with my parents, and short encounters with my old friends! How would you feel if you were the only one in your "island" (Visayas)? Sometimes I feel so alone. I'm not with the people I'm used to. I'm not with the people who are used to me. I'm not with the ones I love most. I'm not with my friends nor my family. But what am I saying? I'm now making friends. I've come to trust a few of them. I just have to think that life goes on. But I shall never forget the ones I've come to love and respect before. Duh. What kind of a friend would I be if I were to forget their middle names?

Speaking of friends, one has to get used to room mates. I have to get used to everyone's peculiarities (I make it sound like a disease but I mean no offense). BUt having someone you can talk to is fun and rewarding. It keeps my mind away from my being alone. And I have some who I can talk about other people with. And speaking of talking about other people, I have been doing about that a lot lately. Isn't it a bad thing to do? But doesn't it speak about the value I give to certain people? Is my reasoning perverted? Am I just giving an excuse for doing something frowned upon by society?

I and my room mates talk about certain people very often. One in particular is very interesting. I can't describe this certain person. This person seems too...lively. So involved. So inquisitive (but most questions are nonsensical). So energetic! But once I was aked by by this person (with a hint of sarcasm), "Saang lupalop ka ng Pilipinas galing?" What? I related this to my room mates and we all gave the same reaction. Ang yabang niya! Just because we were not from Metro Manila and other neighboring places doesn't mean that we can be treated as minorities or worse, aliens! But I just extended my patience and smiled and I even entertained this person for a few minutes. But a few days after this same person told me ( in a loud voice, in front of the class) that I was like a comic book character. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? But talk about rude!

I have to end this! I have to sleep! So in conclusion, my life right now causes me confusion. Does that sound right? Anyway. I have to find the right place for me in order to get by. Pray for me!