Sem break's here! Finally. The long wait is over. And I bet I won't get any sleep tonight. From all the anxiety? Haha. I'm so excited. I hardly slept this weekend. And by sleeping I mean the sleeping with the normal schedule. Shucks. Why am I not developing horrid eyebags? I dunno. I don't care!

So in honor of my homecoming, this post will take a turn...

Hay kasadya! Mapuli na ko! Pagkatapos sang lima ka bulan nga pag-hulat, makitaay na kami sang mga utod ko! Abaw ah. Abi ko indi gid ko paghidlawon sa ila. Sala. Syemper, hidlawon mo gid lang kay palangga mo mo! Tapos, makadto ko sa Pisay sa Friday! Tani sugtan ko mag-overnight ba. Yes. Overnight na naman sa ila ni Noray! Namit na naman nga pagkaon. Ahay wala Intrams Night. Daw indi gid ko gusto pag pakadtu-on sa bisan ano nga Intrams Night. Bisan college na ko. Law-law college ah. Da wala damo sadya nga activities!

Ahay. Tatlo ko ka simana di makita mga classmates ko di. Daw mahidlaw man ko sa ila ba. Bay-i da. Pito man kami ka tuig nga ulupdanay. Kagina daw kasubo nga daw wala man lang kami nagtilingub para sa last nga pagkilit-anay bag-o mag break. Tai nga Math bi mo! Lang lang gid amon teacher ah. Dipa text text pa kuno abi sang kuhaon niya amon numbers. Hu! Gusto niya lang textmates. Ahay ah. Feeling ko kapasar ko sa Math. Tani!

Kaulugot ah. feeling ko mango mango na gid ko. Imag! Akon Nat Sci grade as in super nubo gid ya. Kahilisa ah. Sige lang. Bawi lang sa dason ah. Ahay nagutom na ko. Pirmi lang ko nagutom bala subong.

It's so hard to type in language you never write with. Anyway, I think I won't be posting for a while. I dunno. Hmph. I really suck at this. I dunno how to end my posts. So this is it. End. Doi.

Fine. I haven't slept yet. Big deal...

Actually, it is. I have a math exam tomorrow and if I end up sleepy later today, I'll end up sleeping. Not studying. Of all the days. I think I'm just anxious. About what? I'm anxious about this going-home thing. After 5 months of hell, I can finally rest for three blessed weeks. Ah.

I have never been away fro home for so long. Sure, I lived in a dorm during high school, but I was always home for the weekend! The longest I've been away was just a mere month. And now I'm stuck here in Manila for 5! Imagine that. Think about the people who can't go home this sem break. Tsk tsk.

Ang now my head hurts. And when I decide to sleep, I can't seem to doze off! Then I sit up and do something, and the cycle goes on. I've never been to school lately. So why am I this distressed? The answer: school is not the only source of stress. Amazing? No. My world's limited lately. It's just school, school, and school.

What were the things I did that I thought would knock me out? I brushed my teeth for a long time. I know this is bad, but there was nothing else better to do anyway! Or so I thought. I read a chapter of a book. Boo! A chapter? Before I could last nights wothout sleep just to go through a book. But now I seem to have lost my touch. Nah. I'm just tired. I defrag-ed my laptop, scanned for viruses and spyware and checked my downloads. Even with a very slow connection, these things didn't take me long enough to get really sleepy! Am I supposed to watch an entire season of House for me to be able to finally rest in slumber? I don't want to. It's reserved for the break. Hours of unadulterated TV in my laptop! Yum.

During the times when I thought I was drifting off, I thought about a lot of stuff, and one thing really hit me. No. They're two things actually. They came separately, but because they're so related, I thought of them as one. Anyway...


One was this conversation (okay YM-ing) I had with Joanne earlier today. Or was it yesterday. We were talking about LOVE and our present states of not having it. Yes I'm talking about THE love, where one is potentially a Shotah! Joanne even said that I thought that love was a burden. Bitter? Hmmm.

The other one was a post I did weeks ago. It was about love being a sick illusion (check archives). Love really is a sick illusion! It's also a marketing strategy.

Now why the "bitter" talk? Nothing. I just wanted to face reality. For so long I had this thing with my high school, uhm, friend? Anyway, we were always fighting. WHy? I'm a jokey jokey person and I say a lot of things I don't mean. Just for the sake of a laugh. Others understand me. But why doesn't she? Why don't they? College is sooooooooo amazing. I now have people around me who can understand that a joke is simply a joke. Or they're just decent enough not to mention it. Wait. I think I'm sowing hatred here.

Going back, one reason that I can recall that explains why she was always pissed off was that she expected more of me. What the? Where is love? I thought you were supposed to love at face value. You were supposed to love what is, as a whole, and not just what will be or you would like to be. Where is the love me for who I am? Did I wrongly understand the concept of love as propagated by the mass media? By other people. Stupid marketing. They can't even get it right. Or does this one rule just not exist? Is it merely a sales pitch aimed for the hopeless?

I needed time. And space. And I got it. My wish was for me not to have any excess baggage from high school. Did I get it? Sometimes my demons still haunt me. But I can do this. I so hardly fought for what was nothing in the first place. So many people got involved. So omany things happened. When you love, aren't you supposed to feel pain because of love? I don't get this. I just felt pain because of anger. Or so I thought. But if it was otherwise, why can't I see beyond my present circumstance? Maybe I was just too busy licking my own wounds to care about things outside of myself.

S***. Now I'm sleepy. And hungry. But food first before sleep!

I'm three/four days away from being home. Gamay na lang gid, mapuli na ko! I just have to close my eyes and endure the agony of waiting for time to pass by and for the two last subjects to finish. Kom and Math, please be finished. Fast. Please?

I could not believe what happened to me during the last few days. And it's all KOM's (Amante's?) fault. Why?

*flashback moment...present dissolving...ahhhh


After the Kom exam (Wednesday, I think), I remember anticipating my edited borador. I could finally finish off Kom II! But no. Amante had to give it a day later becuase he has not checked it yet! Grumble grumble grumble.

The next day came. As usual, I woke up late. Okay fine. Noon. I was surfing and I checked a few of my downloads. Then a call came from Lorraine (thanks, btw). Oh no! Amante lost mah damn paper! So I had to reprint it. Then I had to run from the dorm all the way to Faura! Shit shit shit. I don't want to move my flight again. So come Friday, I can finally get it.

Friday. Me and JF heading to the Sentro ng Wikang Filipino, 3rd floor, OUR building, UPM. It was around 2:30. I bet he's already waiting for me. He said he was gonna be there after lunch. So walk walk walk. But no Amante! I had to return at a later time. But I wanted to go to MOA! Whatever. I just had to return.

Dingdong (thanks, too) texted me at around 4. He said I can get my paper. But I was having fun! So. After getting ink for the printer, JF and I had to head back like hell. It was around 5 and we had to commute. LRT was hell. If you commute during rush hour (it should be properly called RUSH HOURS) you might have an idea of what I went through.

Bad decision. We went out of the train when we were at the P. Gil station. But the UN sation was much nearer! We had to walk fast along Taft. Then run from the Taft-Faura corner all the way to HIS office. My side was burning and my head was throbbing. Bad.

To make the long story short, I had my paper (thanks, JF, for running with me) and I WILL GO HOME ON TUESDAY!

Yawn.

I want to make something beautiful. Something beautiful enough to make at least one other person smile. I want to make stars. Red ones and blue ones and green ones and yellow ones. Ehem, Joanne.

Today sucked. Well not really. Just my morning. I studied for my Kom finals, but I should've stuck with my gut feeling. I should've just studied references. Footnotes and bibliography. No more. It was all useless. What we were tested for already came out during class! But I still don't know the answers. He doesn't give the papers back! Amante!

So afterwards, I lunched and malled (stupidly coined verbs) with Joanne. 'Twas fun, but part of the fun was robbed away by experiencing utter exhaustion compounded by standing up and walking most of the time. I noticed something else. We kept bumping against each other. That happens when you're tired? It didn't hurt. But it was weird. Good weird.

After a long while, I finally ate another strawberry sundae. Yum. I loved McDo's strawb sundae, but they banished it from their lit menu! So Jungle Chuva na 'to.

I am starving and am lightheaded. I didn't have any dinner because I just slept. Ministop? Yes. To you I seek refuge.

I just had a blast from the past. Yuck. What a cliche. But still.

I just remembered that I really loved the movie The Never Ending Story as a kid. I mean, I would watch it over and over again, without tiring of it. Is this because my young mind cannot just comprehend the story line therefore I have nothing to get tired about? What about the images? What do I remember?

1. There was this kid who, I think, was being chased. So to avoid those who were after him, he entered a book shop. Then he found THE book.

2. There was this really big white dog-thing. And it can fly. And you can ride on it. Now that I think about it, it kinda reminds me of that giant flying dog-thing is that Nick show Avatar. Don't you think?

3. There was this valley. And one area of it is flanked by these live statues that kept shooting beams. I think. Are these the things that I'm talking about?


4. Some big thing sneezed. It was definitely a big sneeze.

What the hell am I talking about?

Ehem. Does anyone out there have a copy of the movies? Ehem ehem.

Today I said goodbye to Philosophy. Forever. No more handouts. No more papers. No more intangibility. I need a life.

***

Where does the AS building get its name? The building is fomally Palma Hall. And it it the Department of Socail Science and Philosophy. Where the hell does it get the AS? Enlighten me, o Great One.

***

What will I study for Kom? More imporantly, what is the coverage? Anything and everything uder the sun? The Life and Works of Manny Pacquiao? Cha-Cha? Or just the randomness and irrelevance of it all?

To go back to the first question... I will study the details and the workings of a certain icon on my desktop. It's name? McWhore's Anatomy.

***

I said I would never buy another book til Phantom. I just broke my promise. Goodbye Categorical Imperative. I hoard!!!

***

To avoid something, one feels agony. To know it, agony still. What is left to do? Which one is the lesser of two evils? Or am I trapped in a false dichotomy here? Oh. Philo talk. Crap.

To begin and end this entry with Philo-related musings... Am I just extending my goodbye?

Now it's really bugging me. I tried to read something last night, but I was sleepy.

I have to do it. Now

So to Philo. Cheers.

I am in a state of panic. I suffered 4 days of pure bliss. I wasted 4 days! I could've used those 4 days to make my stupid Philo paper. But no! Sleep all you can, Patrick. You just couldn't hold on, could you? Idiot! Now suffer!

I had better start that paper. Now!

Maybe later...

I just spent P1348 on books. Yes, I bought that sset. I did. And now I'm starving. Kidding. But honestly. That much? It was a pretty good deal, actually. One book woulde cost around P134.8 when it's normally around P300+. Yes. I swear I'm never buying any more books again. Well, not until I finish my stock. Or until Phantom comes out. Yes. Definitely.

Wizard's First Rule: People are stupid. (See Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind)

I'm not going to expound on what HE said. But I would like to give an example, if somewhat un-related.

I wanted to withdraw. I need cash. When I walked to the ATM near BreadTalk, I saw this very long line. But there was only one line when there were 2 ATMs! Malfunction? Yes. Not the machines, though. It was the people's brains. They were lining up in front of only one machine, for brownie's sake! I asked one lady lining up, "Sira ba?" A shrug was her stupid reply.

So I tried the other machine. There was no one using it anyway. Voila! Cash! The idiots. I walked away with a smirk.

And then and then and then. The same thing happened this afternoon. But the thing is, one ATM was really not functioning. The line was riculously long so I decided to go outside (there's this other machine outside of Rob, but very near) and instant cash! I guess they wanted the AC even though they had to stand for a long period of time with somebody stepping on their toes and poking at their backs. Whatever.

So now to Philo. *fingers crossed*

It's always nice to wake up late. You get to sleep more. You get to drool more. You get to rest more. But I hate this feeling I get when I wake up. My head throbs. My eyes hurt. I sneeze a lot. And I have the feeling that the world has moved on. Without me. Well it really does. What about the other side of the world? But I'm talking about the side of the world where I'm located. Okay, I'm blabbing a lot. No. I take it back. I don' think it's always nice to wake up late.

Anyway, my day always starts late these days. Pre-break slacking. Delicious. You know you've got papers to do and exams to study for, but you just can't help putting it off for tomorrow. My dad always scolded me for this. "Kung diin lapit ka na malukpan didto ka pa ya malumpat!" Anyway, cramming is effective for me. It must be the Pisay culture. Degenerative? No. Just busy.

I hate it when my laziness attacks me. I get...lazy. I end up eating cup noodles for lunch when I can easily get a warm meal. But walking that far for food? I would do it if it's exceptional food, but to eat another plain meal and to wash the dishes after? Save it. I'm good with my noodles. But what happens if there's great food for free? I would willingly stuff myself in an aircon-deprived train car, mutter curses, spend half of the time standing, and get stuck in SLEX (tama?) just to get fed! Well, it did happen to me. Yesterday. BTW, Lara, thanks for the fan. And whoever paid for my MRT fare, thanks!

It was (Trebor's birthday party/Trebor's parent's wedding anniversary) [underline one] yesterday. Thanks for the great food!

When we went in his house, I was impressed. When I went into his room, I freaked out. So many books. I like. I like! Then we watched the fourth episode of Grey's Anatomy's third season. Yes, Mark Sloan is really working in Seattle Grace.

Then dinner. I ate a lot. I did. I didn't have a second helping of the meal, but I ate a lot of dessert! Cakes: chocolate (2 slices), some custard-infested cake, and yes, MARJOLAINE! Did I spell it right? I don't care. It rocked! Then I ate 2 bowls of this coconut concoction, and a salad which I totally mixed up at random. It had lettuce, corn, mango, and strawberries. And stray crab sticks. Weird. Whatever.

But it was cool. during the trip home I was half asleep in Sam's car (thanks, Sam). Baboy Reflex. But when we arrived at the dorm (it was around 12 mn), I totally felt energized. So I decided to go and buy chips and coffee. I went though a jungle of scantily-clad and androgynous people just to get my food (again with more food). It's always scary to do that. One guy in black even approached me and offered me something. Ew! So ignore ignore ignore. But I safely arrived at the dorm. Yes!

Damn it's raining right now. I was supposed to enjoy a sale! Anyway, I have this Philo thing to do, and a Kom paper to edit. So much work.

This Bliss song is playing in my mind. Over and over. Anyway.

I am so happy today. With nothing to worry about (well nothing that requires immediate attention, that is), I confidently woke up at noon. To a free lunch. Sponsored by my roommate. Yes. Nothing is better that free stuff. Especially if it can be eaten.

After lunch I was getting bored, so we, JF and I, decided to go to the Mall of Asia. Nil won't come with us. Med Choir practice. But it was cancelled. Boohoo.

So off we go. We saw books. I WILL NOT NARRATE THIS PART. It's too painful. Nyahaha! Kidding aside, I will buy that Gabriel Garcia Marquez set. I will. I will. I will.

We watched a movie. It was called Pulse. It wasn't that good. But. Yeah. It wasn't that good. What ticked me off during the movie was not the movie itself but the f***in' screamin' idiots who can't keep their holes shut! So insensitive! They wer all b******! Why do it? Are they that deprived that they can't even learn simple social etiquette? I guess they spent their lifetime savings on a stupid movie if they can't afford to get themselves educated. The world doesn't need more trash. But I'm not going to let them ruin my day. So we transferred seats.

After the movie we were starving. So off to the foodcourt. Gosh I wish I could skate. I wish I could piss of those show-offs on the ice. Then I'll become one of them. Srap the idea.

What's after dinner? Dessert! Off to BreadTalk. Yum. I got something with blueberries and JF got something milky and nutty. Then there was this art show thingy with paintings. Why can't I think of a proper term for this? Anyway, Mar Roxas was there. So?

I've never been this happy in weeks. I can't remember the last time I used a mall to enjoy and not just to avoid the smoke and the rain outside.

Because I overslept, my head was throbbing when I woke up. During the day it went away. And now it's back. The cure? More sleep...Ü

After 10.435624561357985 years, here I am again. I don't feel like writing something long. But I want to. But I can't. My fingers are too tired. Damn.

Stupid Kom. This is the main reason why I'm now sick of looking at Packy (yuck, this is my laptop's name... help me change it!). I have been in front of my laptop for God knows how long already ang I think my keyboard is protesting already. But what the heck. It's gonna be a long time before I do a marathon typing activity again. So I've been doing my Kom. The consequence of procrastination. *sigh

NEWSFLASH: I finished 31st during the Fun Run last Sunday. I was blue in the face. I was tired (no sleep... stupid Devil Wears Prada). I was dying. But I think I know what kept me going. This may sound gross, but what kept me huffing and puffing (and kicking) was my staring at someone's ***. Yes. A beautiful sight during a beautiful morning can keep me running 'til I drop dead at the fininsh line. This is becoming really gross.

To move on.

Stupid Math exam. I was recalling my high school lessons in the middle of the friggin' exam just to get though! Talk about major mental blackout. And and and. The finals were moved to the 23rd! I already booked a flight out of here and it's for the 21st! Stupid stupid stupid DPSM.

Stupid stupid stupid Bio exam. Will I pass? Full of ecology question. I studied for physiology! Stupid.

At last. I'm over the impulsive book-buying stage. More savings...

I've been eating a lot lately. I'm justifying it with the things people say to me. I'm looking thinner. But my shirts are getting closer and closer to my skin. And tighter. Ang they're choking me. I am committing an error. Parallelism. I'm sorry, Ma'am Shens.

Oh oh oh! I remember. Before and after the Fun Run we (Nil+I) stayed over at JF's house. We can't commute early in the morning so we had to stay overnight at JF's. I ate a lot. I felt that I gained a lot of weight over that weekend. No. I'm reducing. Reducing. Reducing.

Why do I tend to repeat things in this post? I'm dying, that's what. Yes, I don't make sense. Yes, I'm full. Baboy Reflex (thanks to Ms. Gomez I now have a name for this idiotic sleepy reaction people get after eating...a lot)? Yes.

I must read the Eye of the World. I must. Phantom? When? When? Paperback copy? When?

Devil's Food cake. Chocolate Kiss. Yes.

Dream. Sweet. Cake. Mallows. Chocolate. Food.

Bliss...

i want soneone who will...
kiss me under the rain
kiss me when i'm asleep
kiss me on the forehead
cook me breakfast everyday without fail (i'm not a morning person)
walk with me everywhere
eat as much as i do (even more)
light up when we talk about books
fix my collar and my hair
absorb my pain
never count the things she's done for me
hug me before going to sleep
stand on my toes when we dance
sing good as i am bad
smile when she thinks i'm not looking
shout as loud as i do in rides
let me eat her left-overs
look up when she's speechless
let me pinch her
have a head that'll fit my shoulder
never get bored of me
tell me stories before going to bed