I don't know how to project and perceive the guilty look. Joan thought it was curious and I thought so too. Basta. Yun. Guilty=curious. But anyway, we still don't have an intro for the maglalatik for TRP. Grr. Anyway... I'm happy! And I'm also happy because everyone is in the same euphoric state as I am! Yeah! No, no drugs. Just...uhm...happy!

Why am I happy? Basta. Happy happy happy. Now I sound stupid. But I'm happy! Yey to happy songs! It was weird yesterday. My Media Player was on shuffle and all the songs that were playing were so depressing! "I hate the world today," "Gloomy Sunday," etc. No wonder I felt depressed during the last few days. Stupid Media Player. You have been polluting my mind with these sad sad songs! Haha. But waht matters is that I'm happy now. And I hope this feeling lasts. And I aslo hope that everyone else feels happy too.

We (Nikka, Ivan, Anne, and moi) did nothing for NSTP yesterday. We just got cooped up in this room, talking and playing cards! And when we got bored, we went to the PGH foodcourt and ate. For a long time. When we felt like somebody was looking for us, we went back. but that was only a feeling. I really think that they (Ward 3 people) wouldn't care if the earth opened up and swallowed us. Hmmm. And when it was time to go, a nurse invited us to feed the NGT (tubes that run from their nose to their stomach)people! Hello, what timing! But we did it anyway. It was scary/fun. I was talking to the guy who was watching MY (haha) patient and he said that they were in the hospital for 2 months already! How sad is that. And while we were chatting, an intern approached the bad and asked me something. Oh no! I didn't even know the name of the patient that I was feeding! Gah!

But I'm still happy. And this issue about coin-picking is bothersome. But it's getting soooooooo old. Haha.

Why is it that when you are the person you like, you don't get to be yourself? You're not pretending or anything. It's just that instead of starting a conversation, you get giddy and smile a lot and never do anything right. It's stupid, really. But it's true. For my case, anyway.

Why oh why?

***

I should stop eating seconds. Hmmm. I think I'm getting big and my pants fit me very snugly right now. This is not good.

***

We went to Pasay today. For our NSTP class. Everybody died. Yes. We had to walk through a barangay and it was so hot! And the river was smelling pretty bad so that was not good. And we went through this tunnel. It's not a tunnel, really. It's just a really narrow strip of land where a lot of people live. By the river. And there were spaces where you could fall into the filthy muck beneath the space you were walking on. Honestly, something should be done about this. The living conditions of those people were awful and I even saw some children sleeping on an elevated wooden box thingy. Honestly, people, it was awful.

***

We saw happy feet today. I think it was my first movie with a lot of Intarpips watching with me. Hmmm. Sino nga kami? Ace, Moi, CJ, Kitel, Nil, Gerald, Ardynne, Joanne, and Daniel. A crazy mix, but a welcome one nevertheless. Plus, I have a new penguin tumbler from an upsized KFC bucket meal! Yeah! But I got Lovelace. Hmmm. He was weird in the movie. But I really liked the scene with the killer whales. I laughed really hard when the pastic thingy that you get with six-packs that was on his neck got snagged on a bell. And he was tossed mercilessly into the air! Woohoo!!!

***

TRP practices were topped off with a brain-freezing Slurpee from Seven Eleven. It turned our lips, teeth, and tongue blue. Coolness.

***

I'm pissed of. I have a bad copy of Grey's Anatomy's [3x09]. The frame kept jerking after 20+ minutes were in. Hateful. I had to watch the rest of the episode in its jerky quality because I can't download anything anymore! I lack space and I don't want to delete anything. So what do I do? I have to wait for my new hard drive. Please arrive soon. Please?

...

I see you and I fall back. Just so that you won't see me. What am I doing?

I still love you... And I hope things will get better. If they don't get better by themselves, we'll fix them, right? Just like before. Only better. No more stepping on each other's toes. Please?

And I still owe you that hug.

Or do we move on?

My 2011 rommate is living in the dorm again. NO. Not really living. He arrives, takes off to study, then goes back at around 1 a.m. From study groups, I guess. And this is what our lives would be for the next forever.

He has this little hammer thing used to test your reflex. It's so cool! It really does exist and it's not only a thing for the movies! Duh, Patrick.

So after PE (we had a session in this sweltering hot dance studio and we were dancing to the tune of Iskolar ng bayan...), after arriving at our little room, I sat down on my roommate's chair, and I tested MY reflexes. During elemetary when we had this exercise, I usually voluntarily jerk my knee. I don't know. Maybe it was a psych thing. Whatever. But it actually works! It really does and the skeptical me is no longer existing! Yeah!

***

I can't pronounce my name right. That's why I hate it. IhateitIhateitIhateit. How do you pronounce it anyway? I have two ways:

1. PAT-trick. The problem with this is that it sounds so ugly. The way the r sound is so audible makes it horrible!

2. PATCH-wick. And you say this quickly. Hmmm. It sounds okay, but it feels so wrong! I swear, it's so werid!

How mundane. I wish I were called Chuckles the Silly Piggy! Hahahaha-haha.

***

I think my asthma is bothering me again. I'm actually wheezing! So my nebulizer is out of the box again. Yes. Hello, DeVilbiss.

After treating myself with unflavored/medicated mist, I usually get this shaky feeling. I "nebulized" (what is the verb for of this?) more than an hour ago, but I still feel shaky. Yes. Right now. It's irritating. I can't even write well. And how am I supposed to finish my lab report, hm? Goodbye, Thursday night sleep.

***

I love dancing. I never dance during elementary. I was lame. Patrick=Lame-o. I promise. So I just discovered the fun of dancing during highschool. In our school, everybody must dance. It's a PE requirement. And the year-ender/culminating acitvity that the whole school preapares for is one of the most highly anticipated event of each schoolyear. So dance, we must.

But now. I feel pressured. Pressured!

I wish things would go back to the way they were. Hmmm. About us dancing for the fun of it. FOR FUN.

***

Happy Feet? Please?

***

Our first NSTP hospital "duty" was a dud. It was kinda boring. My group was assigned to ward 3. The male ward. And we made cotton balls. We even made it a contest! But it was still cottonball-making. OR? Please?

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

-Why can't I by Liz Phair

Hello Joanne! Well, it's not exactly breaking up. Thanks, by the way...

I hate waking up to nothing. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of fending for myself all the time. And this is what my life will be for the rest of my life. I'm getting the hang of it. I didn't say otherwise. But I just don't like it. I hate being alone...

My head is aching. And just as I was slowly drifting off to sleep, my mom calls me. Great. Bye bye, sleep. I just have to sit up thinking about designs for my blog header until the sandman actually pays me a visit.

Ang ingay sa labas. Hay naku. At malapit na ata ang fiesta rito. Nakakatakot nga mag=lakad sa daan ngayon, especially dun malapit sa may San Andres. Andaming lasing. Oh no. And these kids are playing in the middle of the street kahit na gabi na! Where are the parents of these children?

Last sem break, there was an event I was really excited about: reunion during Pisay intrams. Since we're on our breaks, and Pisaynons are still at school playing, we planned to go there during the last day. We also planned to stay for the Intrams Night and then a sleepover will follow at Noreen's house. I was sooo excited I didn't get out of the house for a whole week to save what money I had for this trip. Pisay is in Iloilo and I live in Bacolod. To get there, I have to travel across a sea. By fastcraft. It was a good thing my dad took care of my fare going there, but I had to pay for my return ticket. Gah!

When I was happily waiting in the terminal with my overnight bag, I received this text that Noreen can't accomodate us, because she was sick! So goodbye, sleepover. But I was still looking forward to to catching up with my buddies. I was there way early. Too early.

What really pissed me off is how these people did not seem to value time and effort. Hello! Buong umaga walang dumating. Ako lang. Tas andaming nagtatanong na lower years kung nasaan na yung iba. Ewan!!! Baka kinain na ng lupa. O ng traffic. Anyway, hintay hintay hintay pa rin ako.

Nakakainis. We plan this thing, tapos hindi man lang sila sumipot. Yung karamihan sa mga sumipot ay ang mga taong pwede ko namang makita dito sa Maynila! Peste! So instead of me eating at JD, I had to sit, alone, sa covered wlak. Super crappy feeling. Waiting for I don't know who! Pwede ba? KUng hindi rin lang naman kayo pupunta, magpasabi kayo nang sa ganun ay hindi sana nasayang pera't oras ko! Please? Please? Gosh! Di na talaga sila nagbago.

So now I rarely post sa forums namin. Duh. Sino kayang gaganahan kumausap sa kanila? Whatever. Basta nakakabwisit.

My posts. They're getting shorter and shorter.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't accidentally delete my Friendster account or anything. I just realized that during surfing, and all else fails, then you go to Friendster. Or whatever.

Why do people post pictures of their girlfriends/boyfriends in their accounts? Pakialamero talaga no. But why? Don't they have their own acocunts? Anyway.

I want to be bright and shiny. Not that I'm dark and twisty. Maybe I'm just dull and lifeless...

I kinda miss Block 14. And I think my blockmates would also agree. Sabi nga ni Serine, "Ay, magkakahiwalay na ang mga love team..."

I think I will ike Hum. Hmmm...

I would like to evade tax when playing Monopoly. Can I do that?

I finished my first sodoku this week. Yes.

Why is it that disappointment is always there to catch you when you soar? Or is it because reality cannot simply meet expectation?


Why am I like this these days? I seem to drag my feet to almost anywhere I go. Why can I not lie down and close my eyes and just forget to breathe for at least 15 minutes?

Why is it that when I am about to sleep I can't seem to go around doing it? Why is it that when I am about to sleep I think of you? Not of the times that would make me proud. But of the times we could have been happier. I don't want this anymore. I have to move one. And I prefer to do it alone. Why can you not let go? I can't do this to you. I can't go because a part of me is still held by you. Give me to me! Please?

I want this desperately. We have been doing this for so long. I really think it can't work. Between the two of us. How many times did we try?

But why is it that when we try we are more miserable? I'm not thinking as heavy. But I feel heavier. Not to have you near to remind me that this sickening drone has a cause. But what is the cure?

What do I have to do? I can't seem to move on. Or wait. Am I just kidding myself? What if I'm just making this up when there's really nothing there? But this is unfair.

I feel lost and confused. Much like the feeling I get after calibrating micrometers.

To quote Joanne: "Fudge."

In lieu of my long writing vacation, I decided to write some more. Haha. Yup. I'm sooooo bored. I keep hearing this thumping bass from outside and it's driving me crazy. The consequences of living in a red light district. *sigh*

Sale sa Rob ngayon. Malamang marami na namang tao bukas. Yikes. Puro na naman to, "excuse me, excuse me..."

Kamusta na kaya si Minke?

Everytime I walk along Orosa, the sight never fails to amaze me. Nope. I am not walking along the likes of Makati's Ayala Av. Hay naku. Ang pangit nga ng nilalakaran ko. Mah shoes! Mah shoes!

After getting out of Natio, the first problem that I get is the uncertainty of rain. Umuulan ba? And more inportantly: may payong ba akong dala?

Number two: mahirap tumawid. It's not hard because the cars drive by so fast. Ang bagaaaaaaaaaal nga eh. Di mo alam kung lalarga ba sila o wala lang. At yung mga jeepney drivers. They always assume that you are either going to ride, or have no use for your life anymore, therefore thinking that you need them to help you kill yourself by flattening you like a sheet and squishing your gooey stuff all over the pavement. Gosh!

Then there's the issue of the perpetually wet segment of the street. Thank to the stupid carwash. I don't like trudging on gunk when the sun is a-balzing on my nape. Duh.

These thing, however, are inconsequential. What bothers me are the the people that I see on the sidewalk everytime it's getting or it's already dark. These people actually settle down on the streets for the night. And there's this one fanily that really lives (if only during night-time) on this small strip of pavement near St. Paul's. Why are they doing this? I really don't know. Then I saw these children who were with their parents, I suppose. Why do they not have a place to live? Forgive the question of the ignorant...

Are these people here bacuse they think that they'd care of a little adventure? Manila is a city of promise? Yeah right. But it's their life, isn't it? I am so confused.

So it has been long. Eh kasi naman nakakatamad mag-update sa sem break. And we had a crappy connection in the dorm this week. But it seems that I have no competition with regards to bandwidth now. So tada!

What has been happening with my life? I'm too tired to sit down and evaluate. Or to tell anyone the details of my uber boring life. BTW, I am so hungry right now.

Cybilita, haha. You are most welcome.

Uhm, I have been mean. To a person who doesn't deserve it. For me, anyway. Nobody should rub salt on another's wound. And I have been doing it. Extremely brutal. Kahit okay lang daw, I still think it's not. Yuck. Ang labo ko.

Andami kong gustong sabihin. Kaya lang super gutom talaga ako...

At the start of this week, I went to see a movie, alone. The Prestige. Humph. Great movie. Is there something wrong with me when I prefer to go to the movies alone? I seem to enjoy it, anyway. Without anybody being there to bother you at the exact time that some momentous dialogue is playing on screen. So shush.

I think I'm so old. My back is always killing me. Or is it just that I'm practically lying on concrete here in the dorm? I think I need something for it. Traction, maybe?

I hate this super crappy Internet connection. Why can't I have DSL? Come on, 2%.

I want to move on. And I want for another one to move on. How can I if my conscience is bothering me to be in the same state of limbo that she's in? Promise, my back is killing me.

So I'm back to the crappy food that dorm life has to offer. *sigh*

Oh yes! 4 days of OR duty! Yes yes yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss! Sorry to everyone if it seems that I gloat. But I just can't help it. Even if I only get to practice the art of cotton balling, I don't care. What matter is that I will be in the OR while some action is happening. Yessssssss!

I have to be kind to others. Please? Can I do this? I think I am infected with this evil streak in me. *sigh* How can you be mean to someone you love? Or are you mean because you love so much?

Classes up to 7:30 p.m. Yum! *lightning*

I wish everyday was a Wednesday. Yes. That would be nice, indeed.