i wish my life were a movie. it starts out with the opening song, all jolly and colorful. then when i get to a particularly nasty area of my life, it just plays by that fast plus another background song. then it ends at the juiciest moments. is this too much to ask?

yes, it is.

for so long i thought i was perfectly cut out for life. but the moment i stepped through a door i now can't find, i get scratched my the painful ministrations of the ugly but real world. i hated it, but now i'm so used to it i'm numb. but what am i saying?

i don't think these things are most pressing, comparing what i'm though and what i'm about to go through to how others do in this game of high stakes. i'm still to conceited to think that i am my own world.

clearly, i don't make sense. but i wish i were made of sterner stuff. maybe i am, only i don't know it yet because the sterner stuff isn't yet required for the immediate circumstances. i really don't make sense.

anyway, now i know why hannibal is a cannibal. last night (7:45-10:00) i was depressed out of my wits and decided to go see "hannibal rising." and what a heavy psycho-drama it was. still, i enjoyed the awesomely gruesome flick. and now i know that cheeks are a delicacy. yum! i also figured out that the scornful hatsumomo is also lady murasaki. isn't it fun that they named a character in the movie after the author of genji monogatari? but it's weird to think that mr. lecter was actually involved with the actual shikibu. japanese heian is not equal to world war 2.

okay, i think i'm done now.